BDSM Basics: Domination And Submission Guide
We all have an approximate idea of what webcam performance is. And many of us seem to think it's very simple: you strip down, grab a toy or turn on the vibrator — and watch donations fall from the sky. And if you add black latex or a choker, that pretty much turns into BDSM content. Well, not really..
Rather, it has everything to do with contact and communication. Eva, the author of the "Webcam and Courage" channel, joined us for a conversation to unveil the inner workings of BDSM and the practices it involves. She’s even included a little BDSM dictionary at the end of this piece: it will come in handy for the conversation before, during, after, or instead of your future BDSM session. The guide might also help you better understand some of the more exquisite, kinky Pure ads.
BDSM can seem a little intimidating with all the red rooms of pain and odd objects from the toy section of your local sex shop. But you do not have to try everything! After all, BDSM can be about bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, or masochism. Just trying one of those is a good first step. If it doesn’t work for you, no worries: move onto the next item on your fantasy list. There are tons of BDSM practices out there, certainly you'll be able to find something you enjoy.
There is no rush to try everything at once, so perhaps don’t reach for the knife and that spiked chastity belt just yet. A blindfold is a simple item that will give you new sensations: it's safe enough for beginners and you probably already have it at home. Surely there's a sleeping mask hidden somewhere in your nightstand drawer, patiently biding its time. Similarly, a kitchen spatula can replace a paddle, and clothespins can replace nipple clamps. Silicone unicorn ice trays (yes, the ones you bought and never used) are great for making ice cubes to use on your partner’s body, and low melting point candles are awesome for playing with wax. Still have those over-the-knee boots you bought on a Black Friday sale? Great, now add a little black dress and voila! You have a dominatrix costume ready to go. Put on a blindfold, hand your partner a vibrator and give yourself a try at orgasm control.
But before you even attempt any of these simple things, remember that safety comes first.
The three main principles of BDSM are Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
If you do not trust your partner enough, you should not try BDSM. For this reason, BDSM practices are not particularly suitable for one-night stands. Even if you have a reliable, long-term partner that you trust 100% physically and emotionally, remember to take precautions. Before you run to the kitchen to grab a spatula, learn the ropes of whipping (pun intended) or any other practice you want to try, and the safety matters that come along with it. Bruising is not dangerous, but dissecting one’s butt muscle is not that fun (and there are plenty of real-life stories like that). Most importantly, you should not practice BDSM if one of the participants, no matter submissive or dominant, is drunk, has taken illegal substances, or just does not feel like doing it. Once again, everything has to be safe and consensual.
After the stop word, all actions must immediately cease. There's this "traffic light" system I was taught: the Bottom says "green" when the top one can continue; "yellow" — asking to slow down or reduce the intensity; "red" — to temporarily pause or end the session. You can also make up your own stop words, just make sure they’re short and simple. Try avoiding the basic words like "stop" or "no", as they are often used during role-play even if there's no intention of wanting to stop anything.
The Top should always be attentive, actively communicative, and always alert to stop words. If you’re using a gag during the session, decide on a specific movement or have a bell nearby that you can ring to end the BDSM session.
Using random items is not always a good idea. For example, scarves and ties are not appropriate for tying someone up. If you move around a lot, the movement can cause the knots to tighten too much or wrap too tightly around the arm, cutting off the blood supply. You should be able to easily untie the strap or cut it with scissors in case of an emergency. Therefore, if you are a beginner, it is better to use neoprene handcuffs with Velcro for bondage exercises, and only once you’re experienced enough you can purchase some at Rope Fest or make your own: it’s all up to you. But first, practice the bondage on bottles and pillows, and once you're confident — switch from objects to humans.
The same applies to whipping. Practice on a cushion first, especially if you’ve bought new long whips for your experiments. If you aren’t particularly used to them and try them out during play right away, you may strike in all the wrong places and kick your partner in the kidney instead — an experience you’d like to avoid.
Now that we’ve covered the security and safety, let's move on to BDSM itself.
Bondage and discipline
Bondage, blindfolding, spanking with a hand, a flogger or a paddle, orgasm control, gagging - it all belongs here.
As I've already mentioned, scarves and ties are not suitable for tying. It is better to use handcuffs made of leather or neoprene. Fluffy handcuffs are actually extremely uncomfortable in use, so I do not recommend them either.
Try choosing a gag that is comfortable on the mouth. The silicone ball can make your jaw uncomfortably tired. And if the attachment of the ball to the strap is not silicone, it can rub against the corners of your mouth and leave blisters. There are also gags with holes, in case you are scared of choking.
Orgasm control is definitely an interesting practice for beginners, be that verbal permission, prohibition, or edging (when either hands or toys are used). In general, the possibilities are endless.
As for blindfolds, it’s better to pick a silk or satin one. They are visually pleasing and nice to the touch. But of course, it can be made from any other material, just make sure that the edges are well-finished, it does not chafe and won’t put too much pressure on your partner’s head.
Domination and submission
You do not need whips, ropes, or tentacles to do this. Good imagination will do. The Top can give the Bottom (or switch) some tasks or, for example, deny the inferior mastubartion. Role-playing is also a good idea.
Sadism and Masochism
This one is even simpler than domination and submission. If you like to receive or inflict pain, you need to find a partner who’s into it, discuss your boundaries together, and proceed with caution.
Aftercare
Everyone always talks a lot about voluntarism and safety, but they often forget how to end the session. The Top should always remember to take care of the Bottom once the BDSM session is over. Wrap your submissive partner in a blanket, make a cup of hot chocolate, help apply ointment if needed, and just do some pillow-talking. Say encouraging words, discuss your feelings and emotions.
Long-distance BDSM
If you are in a situation where there are thousands of miles in between, and you want to spice up your calls with something other than controlled We-Vibe, you have come to the right place. You do not have to be in the same room with your partner to try something new. Gagging, whipping, orgasm control, masturbation instructions, domination, ice or wax play, and much more can all be practiced remotely. The sky's the limit; however, it should be dictated by your shared fantasies and the general safety.
So, what do all of these odd terms mean?
RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) - an acronym used to describe risk-aware, consensual kink.
Asphyxia - suffocation.
SSC - the basic principles for engaging in BDSM practices (safe, sane, and consensual).
Ballbusting (or tamakeri) - the practice in which men receive spanking or kicks in the testicles for sexual pleasure.
Bondage - a practice that involves the complete or partial deprivation of physical freedom of movement.
Vanilla - an ordinary, "plain", non-BDSM relationship.
Top - a dominant partner in BDSM play who applies stimulation to another.
Discipline - a group method of educating and training a partner.
Dominance and submission - a set of rules and practices that transfer power from the top to the bottom partner.
Kinbaku and shibari - Japanese erotic bondage practices.
Cuckolding - a sexual practice in which a man is aroused by his partner having sex with someone else.
BDSM Lifestyle - BDSM relationships that exist outside of sessions, in everyday life.
Mummification - a form of bondage in which someone is partially or fully wrapped or "cocooned".
The Bottom - a submissive partner in sexual play who receives stimulation from another.
Servitude - a practice where the bottom partner plays the role of a servant.
Pet Play - a practice where the Bottom plays the role of an animal (cat, dog, pony, etc.).
Subspace - a trance-like state that some experience during BDSM play.
Sadism and masochism - practices of physical and psychological pain.
The Switch - a partner who practices both roles: top and bottom.
Sex-wife - a practice in which a man gets sexual satisfaction from sharing his partner with someone.
Sensory deprivation - a practice where the Bottom's ability to touch, hear, see, taste, or smell is restricted during the session.
Session - the process of implementing BDSM practices.
Spanking - the act of spanking another person with a hand, a wooden spoon, a cane, or other objects.
Trampling - a sexual activity in which a bottom is aroused by having a dominant person walk over his or her body.
Facesitting - an oral sex practice where the top sits on the bottom's face.
Femdom - domination of a woman over a man.
Findom - financial domination.
Flagellation (or flogging) - the act of beating the human body with special implements such as whips, rods, switches.
Foot fetish - a practice involving feet (e.g. foot whipping or bastinado).
