We believe that sexuality is a spectrum. Though at times we feel like we lack the proper expertise to claim that sexuality is, in fact, a spectrum. We turned to Christo Van Meer - psychiatrist and therapist - to share his professional perspective on bisexuality. September was Bisexual Awareness Month, so we’re wrapping it up the right way - by talking about bisexuality and how to know if you’re bisexual!

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Bisexuality has always been a complicated topic. Not only is any non-heterosexual identity severely stigmatized, disregarded, broken into stereotypes – many simply don’t believe bisexuality is real. Our society has built a lot of misconceptions and faulty beliefs around bisexuality, all of which vary between myths and basic ignorance. Especially when it comes to bisexual men.

How many times have you heard something along the lines of “Oh, he’s definitely gay, just hasn’t come out – that’s why he’s still married to her”. Is that fair? I don’t think so. Surely, coming out is not an option for a lot of people. Still, the majority of bisexual-identifying people are nothing but true to themselves and what they choose to identify as.

Bisexuality, after all, is just one of the many dots on the Kinsey scale – it is uniquely based on each person’s preference

So, any sexuality can be described as a spectrum. You also must remember that bisexuality can be a highly important component of one’s self-identification. Let’s say, for instance, someone who doesn’t want to limit themselves by labeling their sexuality to try to fit into a certain box can identify as bisexual, even if they have limited experience with their own gender that happened years ago - or none at all. We also should take into consideration a large demographic of those brought up in strict and conservative environments – they have experienced same-sex encounters yet cannot identify as bisexual due to personal, social, or religious reasons.

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Now, there’s the so-called teenage bisexuality: according to statistics, up to 46% of girls and 37% of guys have had same-sex encounters at one point or another during their adolescence, which can be explained by both hormonal changes and societal implications: even in the most westernized cultures, where sex education is accessible and readily available, one can still experience fear and worry regarding the opposite sex, making it mentally easier to start exploring with their own gender. In more conservative communities, be that religious or otherwise, sex before marriage is prohibited and looked down upon - this is where pseudo-homosexual exploration comes into play that can also be interpreted as bisexuality. Through the process of understanding and learning the self, one can gain clarity as their true sexual orientation starts to take shape: in these cases, teen bisexuality often doesn’t progress into adulthood.

As I was saying earlier, there’s a multitude of opinions when it comes to bisexuality. If we’re looking at it from a heterosexist perspective, it’s common to think everyone is heterosexual by default, and whatever does not fit into that category is nothing more than “experimentation”. Monosexism enthusiasts, on the other hand, tend to think people can be divided into two groups: heterosexual (straight) and non-heterosexual (gay and lesbian). Bisexuals in this case are those who are equally attracted to both genders. Thankfully, most current researchers and scientists agree that bisexuality is a spectrum, and not as simple as a 50/50 attraction.

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Historically and biologically, bisexuality was widespread — communities of Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome can be used as an example where bisexual tendencies were often a cultural must-do: for instance, among the legionnaire armed soldiers. As Christianity started to spread across Europe and Islam took over the Near East and Asia, bisexuality and any other sexuality variation outside of heterosexuality ceased to exist for many centuries ahead. It was only in the 20th century, thanks to scientific research, the human rights movement, and sexual liberation that people’s ideas of sexuality started to shift. Destigmatization began. Unfortunately, bisexuality is still largely stigmatized socially and culturally, but it remains less subject to condemnation than those identifying as gay or lesbian. This, in turn, has brought up new phenomena, such as coming out as a bisexual as a more socially accepted form of same-sex attraction rather than coming out as gay. There’s a lower chance of being rejected by your community, family, or society at large. This is due to the fact many are still convinced bisexuality is nothing more than temporary experiments, and if one identifies as such, it’s “surely going to go away sooner or later”. Many public personas have also helped spread bisexuality awareness by coming out, even if the act itself might have underlying self-promoting motives. Brian Molko of Placebo, Lady Gaga, Angelina Jolie, David Bowie, and Freddie Mercury — I believe all of them and many other celebrities have positively influenced the way society views bisexuality by embracing their orientation publicly.

To sum everything up, I would like to say that our society still has a long way to go in terms of how we view bisexual people and bisexuality. And to those who are still skeptical: take a look at the animal kingdom, where bisexual behavior is a completely natural occurrence, both situational and continuous. Among them are our fellow creatures – primates, walruses, whales, bottlenose dolphins, and even certain fish and worm species. So, love is love! The rest is just limiting preconceptions and beliefs dictated by religion and society. And living by those definitely won’t make you any happier.

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If you’re in dating, online or offline, you’ve certainly met people that mention they’re primarily looking for a friend with benefits (FWB). To say I often come across people saying “not looking for anything serious, just a friend with benefit” on dating apps would be a real understatement. Here’s the thing, though - the concept of friends with benefits has lots of issues.

It’s time to get brutally honest: friends with benefits doesn’t work. Or at the very least, the way people understand it doesn’t. Plus, friends with benefits is a bad idea.

Friends with benefits is a lie on top of a bigger lie. It’s a mix of self-delusion, misunderstanding, denial, and half-truths all in one. Once I sat down to try and figure out what it is and how it works, I got a headache just by trying to break down this socially accepted concept that seems innocent.

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I attempted to divide it into categories. The first one is people you’re getting to know specifically for hookups. A concept quite simple to grasp, but there’s an unfortunate nuance: a lot of blurred lines come with it. What if you actually become really close, as in, way closer than originally intended? Romantic feelings may arise!

Category number two: people you’ve been friends with long before you wanted to sleep with them, but something changed throughout your acquaintance. This now can go both ways: a one-time thing, or something more consistent. Or let’s say, they’re from a different city, visiting every few months or so. The difficult aspect of this is when your bedtime activities don’t become a part of everyday life and sooner or later develop into a story of inconvenience. An aggravating nuance here lies in the further development of personal happiness for both of you.

Ask anyone what friends with benefits means to them personally: for some, it’s friends first, then benefits. For others, it’s benefits with ‘friends’ used as an excuse or a filler word.

I don’t mind casual situationships where you’re spending time with someone every once in a while, or have a part-time partner you meet up with twice a month when they’re in town for work. I encourage fulfilling, fun, and exciting intimacy for all of us, especially when the right opportunity presents itself. You’re free to practice non-attachment or very-little-attachment as long as you’re both independent and self-aware adults, recognizing what can or cannot be expected from this kind of arrangement, and of course, both consenting to it with enthusiasm.

‘No strings attached’ is a relationship, too. Really? Oh, most definitely

Sounds strange, so let me elaborate further. I feel like the term itself confuses people due to the “no strings” part. If you really think about it, though, and decide to be honest with yourself, you realize that any grown-up interaction comes with strings attached. Let’s call it responsibility. Even in the case of a one-night stand.

Doesn’t casualty still imply that we have to be respectful and mindful towards the other person? Consider their wishes and needs? Or does the ‘non-attachment’ part automatically devalue them as opposed to committed relationships? Of course, we would want both of you to feel comfortable and secure in the situation.

People mentioning FWB in their profile are trying to let you know they’re looking for fun with some sort of closeness involved, but not a full-on relationship. But friendship is not a synonym for a casualty. How is the connection with your F-buddy under the sheets less meaningful than the connection you have with your favorite barista that remembers your order by heart? We can’t have a FWB arrangement without the friendship part, and friendship is, by definition, a relationship. Actually the strongest, safest, most secure relationship there can be. Relationships are what make you go back to your favorite bartender at the local pub, your hairstylist that always cuts your hair too short, even your ex-boss that was mean to you but you’ve somehow grown to understand and respect them.

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If you decide a friend with benefits is what you’re looking for, here are a few tips to make the situation comfortable for everyone involved. Although, reading through them made me realize they would apply to any other kind of relationship, too:

Talk it through beforehand. Set clear terms on your FWB situation. Write it out if you have to, and save a copy for yourself. Make sure you stick to the plan.
Discuss what you’re going to do if either of you starts to develop feelings. It’s better to make a plan of action for that kind of outcome - and you both have to be okay with that plan. The important thing here is to consider your actions on both sides of your friends with benefits scenario.
Respect each other’s boundaries and limits. If you’ve been asked to stay out of certain areas of your friend’s life, you have to be okay with that. In case there comes a point when one of you wants to end the relationship, you have to be able to let each other go. No one wants to come off as a needy stalker, right?
You’re entitled to having your needs met. If you start to feel uncomfortable with how the other person is acting at any point in your friends with benefits situation, you have the right to bring it up to them. It’s easy to feel as if your “less than a relationship” status deprives you of certain demands, but having your needs met is still an important and valid concern.
Things might get messy. Consider that there’s a high possibility you (or the other person) will start seeing someone else, and your arrangement will run its course. Transitioning back to strictly friendship or cutting ties is up to you. No matter the outcome, you’ll have to be able to not take things to heart, and walk away gracefully if necessary.

Why use Pure to explore the FWB relationship option? Here is an article from our partners that explains it just right.

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Liza Moroz, journalist and sex coach, talks about accepting her bisexuality and explains what bi-curiosity means and why the term is not as innocent as it may seem at first glance.

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I’ve always liked girls. I once even fell for one, or at least, was attracted to her. I have zero sexual experience with women, nor have I ever been in a relationship with one, so for the longest time, I refused to identify as bisexual out of fear. Firstly, I felt like by making such a big statement I would label myself. Secondly, I thought to myself: how do I know I’m bisexual if I haven’t been with women? For these reasons, I used to identify as bi-curious.

My friend Alexey’s story is somewhat similar to mine. Before we had this conversation, he had no clue about the term ‘bi-curious’.

“I’ve always liked to experiment. For most of my friends, same-sex encounters are strictly taboo, and for me they’re an opportunity to explore and expand my pleasure. I’ve never been in a relationship with a man, and I’m yet to meet a man that would have mutual feelings someday in the future. For now, I’m just going with the flow and saying yes to new experiences. Or initiate them myself, if I really like the person.

I remember my first same-sex experience – I was simply curious how it would feel to kiss a guy. A friend of mine was actively making moves and showing interest, so I kissed him. I wouldn’t say I necessarily enjoyed it – it was rather something new and exciting that turned me on. Plus, it was a public kiss, and I have a kink of getting intimate in public.

Then there was a time my girlfriend and I had a threesome with a random guy we met at the club. He went down on me and it was amazing. The coolest thing about it was discussing him with my girlfriend afterward, as we were both impressed by the beauty of it.”

Alexey, unlike me, isn’t rushing to put a label on himself. He prefers to stay out of identifying as anything specific, be that bisexual, bi-curious, or hetero. The important factor for Alexey is one’s personality, not their genitals or identity. And I totally agree with his point of view.

Yet I can’t help thinking about how this position may make people uncomfortable. I remember meeting girls on dating apps and asking them to tell me what it’s like to be with women, which was quite strange. I personally wouldn’t want to be an “experiment” for someone who explores their bisexuality.

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My friend Nika, who identifies as bisexual, would also be upset to find out that she’s just someone’s “experimentation tool”. But there was a time when she identified as bi-curious, too.

“I questioned my sexuality while in a relationship with a guy. I was telling him I’m attracted to women, but he wouldn’t take my words seriously. I almost got convinced that as long as I haven’t dated a woman or slept with one, I can’t know for sure. There’s still a thriving stereotype in our society: if you’re a woman dating a man, you’re heterosexual. If you’re a woman dating another woman, you’re gay. No exceptions.

When I searched through articles on bi-curiosity, I felt relieved. I realized that there’s an actual term for us! So, as soon as my relationship with my now ex-boyfriend came to an end (and my denial of my identity was partly due to him), I started dating and exploring my bisexuality”

Nika admits that although identifying as bi-curious was a mindful and not malicious choice, she soon realized that the term itself isn’t as innocent as it may seem. There’s a big dispute against it happening in the LGBTQ community: some think it’s best to avoid the term altogether because it increases biphobia.

Biphobia is defined as discrimination against bisexual people. It comes from both sides: heterosexual-identifying and gay-identifying individuals

Anything from “come on, just pick one already”, “bisexuals are so lucky – your options are endless!” to “this is just a transition stage for you” is included. It seems as if when I’m saying I’m bi-curious, I’m reinforcing stereotypes that bisexuality equals indecisiveness.

And that would be true. No one says, “I’m hetero-curious”, right? Heterosexuality is never questioned in the first place. Plus, many people feel as if they have to prove they are “actually bisexual” to others. And the term ‘bi-curious’ makes it seem as if bisexuality has to be proved by experience, romantic or sexual.

Another opinion regarding bi-curiosity is more lighthearted. It’s that, firstly, no one has to identify as anything. Even if someone pushes us to do so, we can politely tell them to back off, because sexuality is not anyone’s else business. Secondly, if you really want to label your sexuality, do it your way. From “I’m bi-curious” or “it’s complicated” to “currently walking through the Kinsey scale and exploring my preferences with excitement and pride”. And of course, you can simply identify as bisexual right away if you feel like it.

So, how do we explore ethically?

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":682,"Content":"

Alexey thinks that the only rule should be making yourself clear to the person you’re talking to before you have an encounter, and this applies to all genders and sexual preferences. Nika says it’s best to keep it straightforward and be honest about your intentions so that you don’t accidentally lead your date on.

If you just want to know how everything works in practice, find someone whose intentions match yours. Don’t expect every non-heterosexual identifying person to agree being your guide or teacher for experimentation, however.

The worst thing you can do is say to someone “I kind of want to try with girls, and since you’re gay, maybe you’d be up for it?”. The best thing you can do is find someone on Pure, where you can be honest from the get-go and let people know exactly what you’re currently looking for. Bonus points if you’re willing to go out of your way to learn about bisexuality and the bisexual community in general - doing your research is always appreciated.

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Your significant other might have just dumped you. Perhaps you dumped them. Maybe the breakup was long-awaited and kind of inevitable, or worse, blindsiding and unexpected. Possibly, the decision was mutual. Breakups are hard, complex and not one is like the other – each experience is unique in terms of emotions it causes, the trauma it awakens in us, and the baggage we take away from it. No matter the circumstances of your breakup, having to “undo” your future with someone and recalibrate your hopes and dreams takes time and extreme effort. So, what do you do after a breakup? Become one of those people watching “how to get your ex back” dating coach videos all day long? Or bravely try your best to let go and move on?

","published_at":"2022-04-05T12:12:39.427Z","created_at":"2021-11-02T15:21:01.556Z","updated_at":"2024-07-05T11:09:23.990Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"Thinking about dating immediately after breakup? Rebounds can be fun and refreshing, but they have their pitfalls too. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/59e0RiD2Smb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":null,"MetaTitle":"Dating Immediately After Breakup: 8 Pros and Cons : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":233,"Name":"Valerie Estrina","Image":{"id":1787,"name":"ValerieEstrina.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":796,"height":768,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316.png","hash":"small_Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316","mime":"image/png","name":"small_ValerieEstrina.png","path":null,"size":362.78,"width":500,"height":482},"medium":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/medium_Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316.png","hash":"medium_Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316","mime":"image/png","name":"medium_ValerieEstrina.png","path":null,"size":790.23,"width":750,"height":724},"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316.png","hash":"thumbnail_Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_ValerieEstrina.png","path":null,"size":43.52,"width":162,"height":156}},"hash":"Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":579.75,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/Valerie_Estrina_716b9ba316.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-11-02T13:24:37.531Z","updated_at":"2021-11-02T13:24:37.655Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":730,"Content":"

You know what your friends are going to say: if you want to get over - get under. This isn’t something you’d hear from your therapist, but a common and well-practiced idea in society.

Rebound can be described as jumping headfirst into the dating pool right after the breakup for a myriad of reasons

For some, it’s to avoid (or shall we say, postpone) the emotional turmoil, for others, it’s a way to escape loneliness and discomfort, and for the rest, it’s simply catching up on your sexual and romantic freedom. But how beneficial is a rebound, really? Let’s discuss.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":731,"Content":"

Pros

It’s fun

It’s no secret to anyone that breakups are as painful and exhausting as the definition gets – and some fun is just what the heartbreak doctor ordered. You get to dress up, go out, have a drink or two, master your small talk skills, maybe even adapt entirely new personality traits that you’re going to show to the world. There’s a certain power that comes from starting with a clean slate. You get to rewrite your own story. And making first impressions is like a good video game: never gets old.

Confidence boost

This one is especially common for those who ended up as the dumpee. After getting rejected by someone you were committed to, your self-esteem will almost inescapably plummet. Rebounding might help you get back on track and view yourself in a more positive, loving light. You are out there going for what you want and not shying away. It’s that shiny living proof of “hey, I still got it - I’m dateable! People like me!” If you’ve been dumped, this might help.

You’re free to explore new things

Monogamous sex, at one point or another, gets repetitive – this is a known fact. You and your partner have probably nailed it down to a certain routine that worked for both of you, knew exactly how to please each other, what they did or did not like. Your sex life is now a fresh page, and new people and experiences may bring out enjoyment you had no idea existed within you. Best breakup advice.

You open up

Hurting after a breakup? After any traumatic event, we typically enter our highest vulnerability mode. Depending on how unguarded you’re willing to get, you’re almost certainly going to discuss your past with your rebounds at one point or another. Resentful talk, bitter jokes, and all the annoying traits of your ex-partner will pop up in conversations. Your date is kind of doomed to put on their therapist hat for you – whether they want to or not. If they like you enough, of course, they’ll be happy to listen. And you have someone new to vent to (because let’s be honest, your friends are already exhausted by your non-stop rants). Effective breakup tips for you.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":732,"Content":"

Cons

Fear of loneliness

As your imagined future with your now ex starts to crumble and dissipate, it’s important to go back to the drawing board and draft new scenarios for your next week, year, and decade. Only this time leaving that person out of your ambitious plans. By diving into new connections straight away, be that something continuous or an ONS, you’re risking not being okay with being by yourself later on. The feeling will only grow with time and might take over you entirely, turning into a pattern of serial dating or getting emotionally attached to your flings. We see this story unfold everywhere: don’t we all have that one friend who has never been single? Taking some time to reconnect with yourself might be a much healthier alternative, even if it doesn’t feel right at the beginning and even stings.

It’s likely going to catch up

And might do some serious damage in the long run. Breakups come with grief as a core stage of letting go. It’s scary and most of us would rather not feel that way, but it’s a necessary part of the process. If you’re desperate to skip this stage by diving into the dating pool before addressing all the hurt and anger of your failed relationship, you risk facing consequences way more serious than they could’ve been - had you done that prior. Think about it carefully: when has severe emotional suppression worked out for you before? Exactly.

You’re probably hurting people

We hate to break it to you, but right after a breakup, you are emotionally unavailable and living in the past. It’s a normal and natural reaction that stems from unresolved conflict, so no judgment here, but the stakes are high. No one really wants to be someone’s rebound, especially not those who are dating mindfully and with good intentions.

Take a second to reflect on how it feels to be on the receiving end of this scenario – not that nice, is it?

You might attract unhealthy dynamics

We’ve all heard of narcissists, toxic behavior, ghosting, love bombing, and other amateur psychology definitions... The thing is, when you’re hurting, you become way more susceptible to accepting bad behavior you wouldn’t put up with otherwise, all in the name of going with the flow. Your emotional compass might be off to the point where you might not even recognize the obvious red flags coming your way, even if it’s just a brief sexual encounter. This goes without saying that the last thing you need after heartbreak is another heartbreak on top of it.

","background":"black"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":733,"Content":"

Questions to ask yourself before seeking a post-breakup rebound

How am I going to benefit from this?
Is my urge to date coming from a place of fear? Or a place of genuine curiosity and desire?
In all honesty, is this going to be healthy for me, emotionally and mentally?
Should I take some time to heal first, and come back to the dating scene once I’m 100% ready?
What am I missing out on?
What is so scary about being alone right now?
Can I promise myself I will not be hurting the people I meet out of past hurt and resentment?
If I’m not ready, what are some alternative steps I can take in the meantime to feel better?

So, as liberating and thrilling as the concept of rebounding may seem in theory, it’s not a shortcut to eternal freedom. Everything starts with looking at your actions and the motives behind them. Is this honest desire? Or are you just hurting and refusing to acknowledge it? A topic that is perhaps too complex to unpack in one sitting, but important to reflect on. So, all of this is good breakup advice, but at the end of the day - it’s up to you. Entirely.

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“Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes” – an old saying goes. Entirely true! But not always possible when it comes to someone whose experience and outlook we don’t understand. What do you do in this case? Well, you ask questions: who are you? What are you feeling? Christo Van Meer - psychiatrist and therapist - tells us everything we wanted to know about asexuality and asexual-identifying individuals. And from us: anyone is free to identify as what feels right and comfortable for them. No exceptions.

According to Wikipedia, asexuality stands for the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. That’s not entirely correct, as the latest research discovered that asexuality is a spectrum. In English literature, asexuality is used as an umbrella term that has multiple variations: demisexuals – people that only experience sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond has been established, gray asexuals – people, whose sexual attraction is dictated by specific feelings, environment, and personality traits; as well as queerplatonic-identifying people – those engaging in relationships with no sexual or romantic activity involved.

","published_at":"2021-11-18T12:38:19.954Z","created_at":"2021-11-18T12:26:46.324Z","updated_at":"2024-04-17T21:40:49.502Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"Being asexual is something that's widely misunderstood. A psychiatriast and therapist, Christo Van Meer, explains all you need to know about it. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/9vcKenGeOmb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":13,"MetaTitle":"What Does it Mean to be Asexual — Explained by a Therapist : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":248,"Name":"Christo Van Meer","Image":{"id":1594,"name":"автор_.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":398,"height":384,"formats":{"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_avtor_62801d9480.png","hash":"thumbnail_avtor_62801d9480","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_автор_.png","path":null,"size":61.85,"width":162,"height":156}},"hash":"avtor_62801d9480","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":204.29,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/avtor_62801d9480.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-09-29T11:59:49.414Z","updated_at":"2021-09-29T11:59:49.444Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":808,"Content":"

Plenty of stereotypes in regard to the growing asexual community. Most of them are based on the idea that asexuality is either a choice, a conscious decision, or a consequence of past sexual trauma. None of these are correct.

Asexuality is neither a choice, a deviation from the norm, nor a trauma response

Multiple studies have confirmed that someone who identifies as asexual doesn’t differ from heterosexual and gay people in terms of their mental and physical health – no traumas or any other deviations have been found.

Thanks to the uprise of research work and ongoing conversations, many asexuals who used to feel \"broken\" and \"different from the rest\" have started to receive more objective scientific information about their sexuality, which led to destigmatization and a better understanding of themselves.

How many asexuals are there in the world? According to various estimates, the number of asexuals in the human population reaches 1%.

Even though asexuality remains far less researched in comparison with other sexualities, partly because asexuals don’t always feel the necessity to state it publicly or come out, asexuals still experience discrimination and a lack of acceptance.

Some of the most common phrases an asexual will be met with upon coming out are “Asexuality isn’t real”, “You just haven’t found someone you like yet” and “How can a relationship exist without sex?” as well as “This too shall pass” - and variations of those statements. Those who consider intimacy an important part of their life simply may not realize that some people don’t want or need it.

So, this lack of understanding makes them seek out any kind of rational explanation for that. It should be noted that these “rational” explanations do more harm than good to asexual-identifying people.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":809,"Content":"

It should also be stated that asexuality is different from celibacy. Celibacy is a choice, whilst asexuality isn’t. Asexuality is a sexual orientation and it describes a lack of desire to engage in sexual relations. By the way, one of the most common asexuality myths is that asexuals do not experience any kind of desire - in fact, they can sometimes have sexual relations and enjoy them, but it happens under different circumstances than for most people.

Asexuals, too, can have romantic relationships and friendships, fall in love, explore self-pleasure, experience arousal, and climax - as most people do

Relationships with asexuals, on the one hand, can be difficult for those who prioritize sex. On the other hand, these relationships can be very deep because they’re formed on an emotional connection. As in any relationship, communication is key: that is, a constant discussion and taking into account the needs and desires of each other.

No matter how we identify ourselves, we all have in common the desire to love and be loved, to make friends, to be understood and accepted, to form deep and meaningful relationships - all the essential things that make us feel good and secure in life. So, love and be loved!

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Have you ever heard of ethical non-monogamy? It's no secret most people seek monogamous relationships - relationships that are exclusive, as in neither of the partners are seeing other people. Most couples today are formed precisely on monogamy, be that due to social, religious, personal, or other reasons. A monogamous couple is the most understandable and common unit of relationship — both in social perception and in terms of simplicity and clarity. There are people, however, who don’t accept this model of relationships. In fact, there’s quite a lot of them: about 1 in 5, which makes up a total of 20%.

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What is ethical non-monogamy?

In the dating world ENM stands for ethical non-monogamy. ENM is a practice that involves participation in relationships that occur between more than two people. In recent years, more and more couples have been opting for relationship models that differ from the standard monogamous dynamic. Well-established communication is incredibly important in any relationship, and in an ENM dynamic, it comes to the forefront since participation requires stable self-esteem, an open-minded partner, unconditional trust, and so on. Do ethical non-monogamous relationships really work? Ethical non-monogamy can manifest in completely different ways: it could be purely about casual encounters \"on the side\", a romantic connection, or both. It is important to remember that each couple must agree on their own specific ENM rules that work for both of them.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":918,"Content":"

Is ethical non-monogamy the same as cheating, you might ask?

No. The key difference between ethical non-monogamy and cheating is the consent of all parties involved in the relationship. That is, everyone has to know about the other person’s actions and motives, and all the rules are followed properly.

This is not the case in infidelity, where a person doesn’t consent to the behavior of their partner — and that is the biggest difference between cheating and ethical non-monogamy. ENM should always be negotiated in advance. It’s called ethical for a reason, meaning everything has to happen with the full awareness and consent of both partners. Nowadays a lot of people have “ethical non-monogamy” in their dating profiles.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":919,"Content":"

Why do people choose ethical non-monogamy?

There are many different reasons why people or couples choose ethical non-monogamy — today I will be focusing on the ones that seem the most significant to me.

First, the opportunity to explore your sexuality.

As we know, sexuality can change over time, and often people need a lot of time to come to terms with their identity and orientation. What we can see quite often is one person within a couple deciding to pursue a relationship (or an encounter) with their own gender, which, by the way, doesn’t imply they’re ready to give up the existing relationship. For these couples, an agreement on ENM is a reasonable solution. So, you can explore your sexuality while exploring ethical non-monogamy.

Second, not all relationships fully satisfy both partners.

This has been said many times, but I won’t stop repeating it: most people have unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should be like. Let me remind you that it’s completely normal to experience a certain degree of dissatisfaction in a relationship. Moreover, a healthy level of frustration in a relationship is an important aspect of its constant growth and development. The same applies to intimacy. When certain needs of partners cannot be met within their relationship, ethical non-monogamy could be a rational choice. If you can deal with jealousy of course.

","background":"black"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":920,"Content":"

As you have probably figured out already, ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that includes a number of very different relationship models: all these models are united by the principle of dating outside of the \"monogamous standard\", as well as the consent of all parties involved. Ethical non-monogamy is becoming more popular, even though it’s complicating dating apps.

It should be noted that any type of relationship is a living and constantly changing dynamic, the format of which must also keep evolving to keep up with the changing needs of its participants.

You can establish your own rules for ethical non-monogamy

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":921,"Content":"

The most common types of ENM relationships

Polyamory vs. ethical non-monogamy

Polyamory is probably the most widely known variation of an ENM relationship. Polyamory can be pursued for various reasons and involve different dynamics within itself: the participants in the relationship can pursue something purely fun-based, but romantic connections are also a possibility. It is also possible that each of the partners has their own separate consistent partner.

Open relationship

Open relationships are different from polyamory in that they usually do not imply romantic connections outside of the \"main\" couple; the aim here is to satisfy specific intimate desires outside of the relationship. Another important factor of an open relationship is that the relationship within the \"main\" couple has a higher priority over their casual encounters.

Relationship anarchy

Relationship anarchy, fortunately, is not directly related to anarchy. Rather, it is a form of having multiple equal relationships, in which one relationship is not prioritized above the other. In Russian, it’s usually described as a “multi-family”. All families are equally important, and the attention and resources of the participants are distributed equally among them.

Polygamy

Polygamy in the classical sense is polygamy or polyandry, which is prohibited in most countries by law but takes place in some Muslim countries and countries with traditional cultures.

These days, the concept of ethical non-monogamy is gaining more and more attention and popularity. Ethical non-monogamy is on the rise. It’s understandable: so many opportunities and options, so little time. Whichever version of an ENM relationship seems the most suitable and comfortable to you, it’s very important to remember the basic principles of ethical non-monogamy we talked about earlier, as well as to ensure the consent of your partner (or partners) so that it doesn’t become blatant cheating disguised as another new-age term.

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As Explained by a Sexologist","lang":"en","Type":"post","slug":"ghosting","StoryAuthor":null,"Description":"

Endings are difficult, no doubt. The strangest, however, type of ending is when someone ghosts you without a warning. Waiting for a message, getting no calls — it's almost like you never knew each other at all. Ever happened to you? This is called ghosting. Sexologist Myriam Braiki tells us everything about ghosting, why people do it, what’s really behind this behavior, and how to cope when you’re on the receiving end of it. We’re taking notes.

What is ghosting? Ghosting is the art of leaving someone without an explanation or disappearing from their life without a trace. In the era of social media dating and online dating apps (looks like you’re in the right place!), ghosting is probably what we fear the most.

I’ll tell you all about it in this article, because even though most of us know what it is, it’s still unknown for some people — and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

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We often use that word to describe romantic relationships, but it also applies to friendships, family, and professional connections

So, first of all, what is “ghosting”?

“Ghosting” is self-explanatory and comes from the word ghost. It also means to play dead, be a ghost, disappear. And the popularity of this phenomenon has increased over the past years.

New technologies change the way we act, behave, and react.

Ghosting is immature. Our consumerist society enhances the “I want it, I take it, I throw it away” behavior. A relationship with someone becomes a relationship with an object. With just one click, I can connect with someone, and with the next one, I leave them. It’s so simple, a click is all it takes!

Ghosting is a very trendy term that first appeared in the early 2000s in popular American magazines, mostly used to describe this quite cruel — almost violent — way of leaving someone. Let’s admit, ghosting is cowardly.

We often use the word ghosting to describe romantic relationships, but it also applies to friendships, family, and professional connections. It’s valid within any dynamic.

So basically, ghosting is becoming invisible, not giving any news to the other person to avoid breaking up IRL or communicating. Pretty ugly behavior, and not very brave.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1065,"Content":"

How does ghosting work?

Two people start talking to each other, they have a pretty nice and satisfying connection, and all of sudden … nothing. Silence. From something to nothing without any explanation.

That sudden absence is hard to understand, especially if you didn’t see it coming …

So you feel an immense emptiness, and you’ve got unanswered questions! The other person doesn’t give any sign of life, not a word - even when everything seemed okay right before.

You’re now alone with their absence. And you don’t have a say in it.

A brutal and imposed separation. A loss that makes no sense.

They may not even understand the reason themselves

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1066,"Content":"

But why do people ghost others?

It’s hard to know why people ghost. There are multiple possible reasons why they do it. Here are some of the common ones:

Necessity to disappear

When toxic relationship signs show up, ghosting might be someone’s only solution. Especially when this relationship is with a psychologically or physically abusive boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner.

Fear of hurting someone

People sometimes ghost you in order not to hurt you. For some, giving an explanation or communicating with someone they were dating honestly can be really hard. When you ghost, there’s no need to face the end of the connection, to face the other person and their feelings, to explain yourself or justify your decision.

Lack of courage

Disappearing and ghosting can also be the easy way out - one can avoid a difficult conversation IRL or via a text message, and there’s no need to justify themselves. This comes from the cowardice and selfishness of the ghost.

Fear of commitment

Fear of commitment and commitment issues can be another explanation as to why people ghost. Sometimes there’s a strong fear in the beginning of a relationship. The person is simply not ready, and rather than saying it how it is, disappears. They may not even understand the reason themselves.

","background":"black"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1067,"Content":"

Ok… So now that we’ve seen the different reasons that make someone ghost, I’ll try and describe different personalities of those who tend to ghost and those who get ghosted.

Some people do ghost with good intentions towards you - they’re simply caught up in their emotional trauma and baggage

Ghosts — what kind of people are they?

The narcissists

Narcissists like to have control over the whole relationship until the end, and control over their image and influence on the other person.

The players

Players don’t want to spend time with only one person at a time, so they will disappear and play dead. They don’t want to get into commitment, and these people can be qualified as consumers of love and relationships.

Abandonment issues

They’re afraid of being abandoned, so they will leave before they get left. Thus, they’re also in control of the situation, not to destroy the other like the narcissists do, but to try and manage their crippling anxiety. As they keep control of their relationships, they have the illusion that they’re managing their anxiety: “If I don’t want to be abandoned one day, I might as well be the one to abandon”.

The anti-dependents

These people, much like those afraid of commitment, will do everything they can to avoid a relationship or never be in one. Once they have a connection with someone, they feel suffocated. A healthy relationship can make them anxious, so they will quickly seek a strategy to leave. Loneliness will be the only way for them to not suffer. Or at least, the only way to not feel dependent. Their motto could be “better be alone than risking getting attached”.

With these descriptions, I hope you’ll notice that ghosting is not only done by people with bad intentions who cowardly go from one person to another - there are other reasons, too. Some people do ghost with good intentions towards you - they’re simply caught up in their emotional trauma and baggage.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1068,"Content":"

Do you get ghosted a lot?

Let’s see some types of those who get ghosted (or at least those that I meet through my work). First and foremost, I want to note that we’re in a society of ephemeral things and consumption, so anyone can be ghosted and left overnight - no exceptions!

However, as I observe the people who come in for a consultation with me, I’ve noticed that those who get ghosted are mostly people who suffer from emotional dependency, have a low self-esteem, or lack self-love. These are people who have often lived through situations of abandonment in their past (in childhood or teenage years). So being ghosted is terrible for them as that situation will revive the old, initial feelings of abandonment.

Those who suffer from emotional dependency have a bad image of themselves, and they will often subconsciously choose partners that are bad for them. They will choose partners who will have them relive their traumatic past and keep on repeating it.

Because they don’t love themselves, they’re trapped in their suffering of limiting beliefs about themselves, life, and love. These dependents will be attracted to people who will either mistreat them, abandon them, or both. So, the ghosted person needs to grieve. And that’s when it gets complicated for them, because grieving without closure or being able to make sense of the story ending is very painful.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1069,"Content":"

I truly believe that ghosting is worse than insults, despise, and potentially hurtful explanations

What are the consequences for those who get ghosted?

The disappearance of a loved one, whether it was a lover or a friend, is very brutal. It’s completely normal to suffer from tough breakup feelings after getting ghosted, and it can facilitate the loss of self-esteem and self-confidence, but also a loss of confidence in people. The ghosted person often feels rejected and abandoned. What’s terrible about ghosting is that it’s not a breakup, but a disappearance - a lack of breakup.

Indeed, it’s the lack of an answer that is unbearable, rather than the end of the relationship. One of the consequences of ghosting is the constant questioning, where the ghosted person keeps wondering if they did something wrong. And that’s totally normal because they didn’t get an explanation for the breakup.

Ghosting is cruel, unfair, and worse than insults, despise, and potentially hurtful explanations. Disappearing can be lived as the worst form of abandonment. And an unexplained abandonment doesn’t allow for normal, healthy grief.

In conclusion, if you’ve been a victim of this behavior and you suffer from it, I advise that you seek an appointment with a professional, whether it’s a love coach, a psychologist, or a couple’s therapist. So, if you got ghosted - you can seek help without shame. Especially if it bothers you.

It will allow you to get closure and understand what is happening to you, and also work on yourself if you need to. I wish you power and courage!

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There’s a well-known term for sexually attractive older women, who are not justindependent, incredibly cool, and hot — they also enjoy their dating life and everything it has to offer. Let’s do a deep dive into the MILF phenomenon.

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What’s MILF?

Milf (Mother I’d Like To F…) by definition is an older woman — but not necessarily a mother — who’s attractive, gorgeous, and everything in between. The word itself is nothing new — though back in the day, it was only used to define something specific: Jennifer Coolidge, Monica Bellucci’s Malena, or Demi Moore on the red carpet holding hands with Ashton Kutcher.

The Basics

What is the main difference between a Milf and any other woman? Well, yes, age would be the definitive factor: usually, it’s anywhere from 35 to 50 years old, but that's not the main point. A Milf is an older woman, often single or divorced, who prefers to choose partners a little (or a lot) younger than herself, loves to practice ONS and FWB, and is actively dating and seeing people. She is financially independent, calls shots, makes decisions based on her needs, and enjoys her sexual life with no shame or stereotypes. Another important thing to mention: she has more than enough experience in the bedroom.

You think that was it? Nope. There’s a term Gilf (same meaning, except G stands for Granny) for women over 50. Ladies like Kris Jenner or Brigitte Macron, whose attractiveness level is undeniable, and their intimate life is obviously flourishing despite the age. What we’re trying to say is that there isn’t a certain type of a \"hot mom\": it can be anyone from non-binary Tilda Swinton to any member of the Kardashian family. She can be an adventurous housewife at a luxury resort or a strict corporate CEO.

To be a certified Milf, one doesn’t need a cleavage or a tight dress: it’s rather about one’s essence than looks

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Crush? Or cringe?

Is it possible to perceive the term Milf as an insult? Well, as always, that depends on the context. Obviously not if it's a self-assigned definition, like in that Fergie song \"M.I.L.F.$\". An older woman can self-identify as whatever she wants as long as she’s comfortable.

But what about the context in the adult film industry? Indeed, the word Milf consistently ranks 5th in popularity among the infamous website we’re not going to name. Honestly, you can check it by grabbing videos. What exactly attracts the heterosexual male demographic to this category? One simple thing: female domination. Most often, these mid age women are professors, police officers, or CEOs of big companies. They are determined, independent, and confident. This challenges the myth of masculinity and inherent “male dominance”. Because men, just like women, can be dominant or submissive, independent or deeply attached — it’s all very individual. And nothing is out of the ordinary here.

Perhaps the only negative thing about the Milf phenomenon are the actual words \"mom\" and \"grandma\" used in the context of age.

Like, here we go again… Women are once again inadvertently told when to be a mother (35-50), and when it's time to have grandchildren (50+)

It’s quite obvious that these days a 50-year-old woman can have a 12-year-old kid, and a 35-year-old can have no children at all. See? Even when talking about such a wonderful thing as mature women enjoying themselves, the good ol’ patriarchy conversation comes to the surface.

That’s why we think it’s best to abandon the connection between the Milf phenomenon and whether or not she actually has children. Thankfully, that’s been done for the most part.

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Some cool facts about Milfs

The peak of female sexuality falls within the Milf age (35-40 years old);
Some scientists define attraction to older women as a separate sexual preference;
A 40-50-year-old woman is highly likely to prefer a man 10-15 years younger than her
Most of your favorite 90’s actresses are Milfs now;
Most Milfs are, by definition, out of everyone’s league. But that’s okay.

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So, you’ve met someone cute online — and they’re everything you’ve ever wanted. You finally meet for the first time, and there’s a whole other person standing next to you. Or worse (and perhaps, more confusing) — they keep delaying your first-time meetup, constantly canceling or rescheduling the date. It’s called catfishing — creating a fake persona to build an online connection. Most of the time, catfishing refers to one’s looks, but it isn’t limited to appearance. Let’s figure out why we fall for this behavior and what makes it different from good old scamming.

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Getting to the bottom

Catfishing refers to creating a fake virtual persona or impersonating someone under a different name, Catfishing comes in all shapes and forms, but the context is the same: the person you’re talking to is not who they present themselves to be. If you've been talking to someone for a while and they refuse to video chat, they might be a catfish. So, the girl you’re enthusiastically talking to might actually be a 40-something man. Or a teenager. Are you sure that is not a picture of a Will Smith? Or Harry Styles?

A catfish, unlike a scammer, isn’t looking for financial profit from presenting themselves as someone else. Boredom, insecurity, the need to get attention and avalidation, and self-importance all come into play here. It’s an act in the name of the act itself, something seemingly innocent that may actually become a traumatic experience for the victim getting catfished.

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A catfish creates a persona that is usually better-looking, more interesting, richer, younger (or older) than they really are

Catfish Types

A catfish may present as a different gender. This is a popular technique for spying on a former or current partner or simply entertaining someone by playing with gender fluidity. In this case, the catfish may use photos of their friend or acquaintance. What is the psychology behind being a catfish?

A lot of the time, the fake persona is created scrupulously, with great attention to detail: this is done to prevent the victim’s suspicion during the talking stage. Maneuvers like using data and photos of someone from another country or a friend are common — you know, something you can’t easily search via Google images.

However, in most cases, a catfish creates a persona that is usually better-looking, more interesting, richer, younger, or older than they actually are. The pictures used are hardly ever average. The confidence here is understandable: people wouldn’t assume that someone can try so hard to create a false identity. Why put so much effort into something like this, right?

A catfish is not an ordinary person, but rather an obsessive one. Their mental state might even be somewhat disturbed for various reasons. For instance, a single mom with kids looking for an outlet to feel free, or a guy with low self-esteem seeking virtual intimacy. Often, people using catfishing techniques are teenagers trying to connect with people online and explore — perhaps in a twisted way. A mentally unhealthy person needs a victim for emotional manipulation — and the victim never knows who’s behind pretty photos. Regardless of the motive, the situation traumatizes the victim and potentially threatens their well-being.

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Some catfishing facts

If a person is faking only a part of their persona (let’s say, just the photos, and the rest of the information actually belongs to them) it’s sometimes referred to as kittenfishing.
67% of married men lie about being single on dating apps and services.
On average, a person lies at least 5 times a day. This is an evolutionary trait and has to do with our survival instinct.
83 million Facebook accounts are proven to be fake.

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How technology made it easier

Digital progress has paradoxically made communication even less secure than it once was — we can no longer believe anything we see or read. Do phone or video calls seem like an easy way to filter out the scammers? Well, not anymore. Before the invention of voice imitators, masks, and filters, this was the case. But now… Voice Changer is a thing. There are various voice-changing apps! As for the video, remember that story of Japanese motorcycle blogger Yasuko who turned out to be a 50-year-old man? And the “character” was doing live broadcasts! Now TikTok has a new phenomenon: people are impersonating celebrities in real-time via deep fakes — anyone from Putin to DiCaprio and Tom Cruise. Modern deep fakes are no longer a filter that flies off your face when you blink, but a full-fledged professional visual — and can be created and used by an amateur, too. All that knowledge is just a search away.

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So, how do we identify a catfish?

Look for their active social media, and try multiple apps. If they have none, or the accounts are empty — that’s already a red flag.
Look for a mismatch in the information they’re giving you — pay attention to detail. Anything seems off?
Analyze the pictures they’re sending you. Are they “too polished”? Or the opposite — blurry and unclear? A false identity can be very well thought-out, but there are only so many photos one can steal.
Have a video call on Pure — our system makes it impossible to manipulate what you’re seeing.
Most importantly (though, perhaps, not always possible): schedule a real-life date. That’s the only 100% way to be sure.

Catfishes and other scammers often try to lure the victim out of a dating app by asking to switch to a different messenger/app. We strongly recommend you not to do it. Luckily, on Pure you can use video chats, audio messages, and receive photos with a confirmed identity — no need to go elsewhere.

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An increasing number of studies conclude that gender and sexuality are fluid. That is, they are capable of changing over time under the influence of various factors. Our identity also depends on external and internal changes, which results in individuals who do not necessarily feel entirely male or female. Pure explains what bigender is, and how to know if this is applicable to you.

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Definition of bigender

Bigender literally translates to \"double gender.\" From the Latin \"bis,\" double, and the English \"gender.\" It is important to differentiate from physiologically pronounced gender differences. Bigender is a defined social identity that has nothing to do with hermaphroditism. Nor is it a multiple personality disorder or a disease. Bigenderism does not entail that one has the same diagnosis as the infamous Billy Milligan, who had 24 separate identities living within him. It is merely a non-binary gender identity where you can feel male and female, agender or non-binary at the same time.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1791,"Content":"

Bigenderism and bisexuality are different things

By no means should bigenderism be confused with the concept of bisexuality. A bigender can have any type of sexuality, just like any other person. For example, a bigender woman can be completely heterosexual, bisexual, or have fluid sexuality. A bigender man can be either gay, heterosexual, or bisexual. No limits on sexual orientation are implied by bigenderism. The only limitation is the identification between the two sexes. Therefore, unlike gender fluidity, bigender cannot experience the entire gender spectrum, which includes more than 50 different identities.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1792,"Content":"

What is bigenderism in science?

We don't have a clear answer yet, but it most likely has to do with the switching speed of the cerebral hemispheres. The higher the switching speed, the more ambiguous the self-identity will be. There is also a version by scientists Laura K. Case and Vilayanur S. Ramachandran, according to which bigenderism occurs because of shifts in brain-brain connectivity and hormone release. So far, these are only versions, but in any case, this type of gender self-perception is the absolute norm, and the number of bigender is quite high. Unlike transgender dysphoria, where a person cannot find balance with their own body, bigenderism is holistic and is not accompanied by psychological problems, split personalities, or any discomfort in self-perception. Moreover, the movement between the two sexes can depend on one's social circle, social environment, the cultural context in which one finds oneself, and simply one's mood. That is, the main sign of bigenderism is a comfortable sense of one's own bisexuality that does not interfere with social, professional, intimate, or other activities.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1793,"Content":"

On a related note:

there is also the \"trigenderism\" and \"polygenderism\";
bigender people have their own Pride flag and symbol;
according to a 2012 study, most bigender people are ambidextrous;
the same study confirmed the presence of a so-called \"phantom erection\" in bigender women and a \"phantom limb\" in bigender men.

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We have already written about how the heteronormative view of sexual orientation is considered outdated. In 1948, data collected by the American scientist Alfred Kinsey produced a spectrum for determining the nature of sexual orientation. At that time, there were only three defined sexual orientations. Now there are about 25. Pure explains what polysexuality is and how it differs from the others.

Who are polysexuals

The most important thing in distinguishing between bisexuals, polysexuals and pansexuals is the following. Let us proceed in order: If bisexuals choose their partners only among men and women, and pansexuals choose their partners among all genders in nature, then who do polysexuals date? The answer is simple: with whom they see fit, but without gender blindness. The word \"poly\" means \"numerous,\" which means that a polysexual can choose a partner from two, three, or more genders, but not from all available genders at once. They also see and define the gender that has a more prominent meaning to them. As a result, their gender choices for potential romantic relationships are limited and individualized. A polysexual person may experience attraction to all genders or to a strictly defined category of genders. They may be attracted to all masculine people, whether female, male, or transgender. Or, for example, for all girls, whether they were born that way or not. In this case, this person would not care about the gender of his / her partners, and would choose them exclusively according to personal preferences.

","published_at":"2022-05-11T09:58:38.928Z","created_at":"2022-05-09T10:45:52.423Z","updated_at":"2024-04-18T21:04:56.326Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"A polysexual is a person who chooses a partner from two or more genders, but not from all available genders at once. Discover more about polysexuals in this article. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/UnPNWFg0Xpb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":1,"MetaTitle":"Polysexual: What Does it Mean and What Makes it Different? : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":526,"Name":"Katya Shaposhnikova","Image":{"id":2111,"name":"Катя Шапошникова.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":796,"height":768,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"small_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":502.66,"width":500,"height":482},"medium":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"medium_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":1041.61,"width":750,"height":724},"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":67.77,"width":162,"height":156}},"hash":"Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":634.89,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.121Z","updated_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.129Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1797,"Content":"

Too much \"poly-\". What's the difference?

It is absolutely necessary not to confuse all the terms with the root \"poly\": polygamy and polyamory have nothing to do with polysexuals. Polygamous relationships involve a sexual or romantic relationship with more than one person at a time, while the definition of polysexuality does not inherently imply this. Polysexuals may date a partner of their chosen sex. Once they choose a partner, they enter into a long-term or short-term relationship, as most people do. Whether polysexuals are faithful depends on the situation and their personal views, just as with homosexuals and heterosexuals.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1798,"Content":"

Bisexuals and Polysexuals

Can we say that bisexuals are also polysexual? Yes. But the other way around. Not every polysexual is bi, because the spectrum of their preferences can be much broader. Just as with bisexuals, it is a mistake to assume that polysexuals \"just can not decide.\" Their choice is quite obvious and clear: anyone they are attracted to. They can only be people of completely different sexes.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1799,"Content":"

In this context, a note:

Polysexuals, like all other LGBTQ people, have their Pride flag;
polysexuality is not related to the strength of libido; polysexuals have sex with those they are attracted to, and in just the right amount;
British singer Micah is known to be polysexual;
Marc Jacobs launched a collection for polysexuals in 2020.

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Why You Should Care","lang":"en","Type":"post","slug":"afab-amab","StoryAuthor":null,"Description":"

Language is a great measure of a society's willingness to embrace humanistic ideas. One indicator of this adaptability is the naming of gender and identity. Even persons who do not want to offend or grieve others and are aware of current gender discourse find it difficult to do so at times. The acronyms AFAB and AMAB were created in an attempt to provide the most neutral vocabulary possible, unifying people who were unwilling or unable to adhere to the M/W binary concept. We're trying to figure out why this is vital to know for all of us, not just cisgender people.

What exactly are cisgender people?

You are a cisgender individual if your gender self-perception matches the gender on your passport or birth certificate. At the same time, based on the M or G marker, you do not have to comply to the canons of culture and self-presentation that society demands of you. Mark Bryan, a well-known blogger, for example, has become recognized for wearing heels, blouses, and pencil skirts in his daily life despite identifying as a heterosexual man. The most important factor is the \"lack of conflict\" between assigned gender and self-definition. When it comes to communicating one's identity, it's vital to remember that the prefix \"cis\" is optional.

","published_at":"2022-05-12T09:25:27.011Z","created_at":"2022-05-12T09:25:07.147Z","updated_at":"2024-04-18T21:11:45.666Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"AFAB means ''assigned female at birth'', while AMAB stands for ''assigned male at birth''. Get your LGBTQ+ vocabulary up-to-date and learn more about these terms! : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/JbJHgdl0Xpb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":null,"MetaTitle":"AFAB Definition: Understanding the LGBTQ+ Community : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":531,"Name":"Stas Sarkisov","Image":{"id":2516,"name":"Стас Саркисов-1.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":800,"height":800,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098.png","hash":"small_Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098","mime":"image/png","name":"small_Стас Саркисов-1.png","path":null,"size":521.69,"width":500,"height":500},"medium":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/medium_Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098.png","hash":"medium_Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098","mime":"image/png","name":"medium_Стас Саркисов-1.png","path":null,"size":1154.83,"width":750,"height":750},"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098.png","hash":"thumbnail_Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_Стас Саркисов-1.png","path":null,"size":55.43,"width":156,"height":156}},"hash":"Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":898.81,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/Stas_Sarkisov_1_c39959c098.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2022-02-04T08:24:14.167Z","updated_at":"2022-02-04T08:24:14.173Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1825,"Content":"

What exactly is AFAB?

It stands for Assigned Feminine At Birth, which refers to someone who was born with the female gender. There are dozens of genders nowadays, and this is the most neutral definition for those who disagree with the passport label. It's important to note that this is not about sexuality, orientation, or gender. AFAB is just the most concise manner of conveying information about a person, and their upbringing. It is far and by the most neutral option to offensive terms like \"born female,\" which can be hurtful to the person in question.

What exactly is AMAB?

AMAB is for Assigned Male At Birth, and it refers to someone who was born with the male gender. We're not just talking about transgender folks in both circumstances. Non-binary non-transgender persons and non-binary transgender people, for example. The former have an outward struggle since they do not feel the need to fit into a social framework and do not wish to be classified as either male or female. They have an internal struggle between their assigned sex at birth and their sense of self.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1826,"Content":"

And why is this knowledge necessary?

The answer is straightforward: all of these stages ensure freedom of choice, including the choice of self-identification. In some nations, for example, it is possible to select marker X in the column \"Gender\" at birth. It roughly encompasses the entire range of possibilities between the traditional designations M and G. When an individual is ready for self-determination, he has the right to choose an identity. In the United States, Australia, India, Canada, and a number of other nations, the third gender is already in use.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1827,"Content":"

But it's not so simple with AFAB and AMAB

As with gender identity, the first question to ask the person you want to tell something about (for example, in a social media post or a conversation with a third party — with the persona's permission) is whether it is appropriate to apply these terms to her/him/them.

Complicated? Here's where transpersons talk about their dating life. And here we answer uncomfortable questions about dating a trans person.

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Yasmin Benoit, british model and activist for asexual community, creator of #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike talks to us about harming stereotypes on asexuality. Let’s debunk those myths once and for all.

","published_at":"2023-05-17T07:54:22.416Z","created_at":"2022-06-15T14:24:36.191Z","updated_at":"2024-07-06T08:27:46.173Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"Yasmine Benoit, British model and activist for asexual community, creator of #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike talks to us about stereotypes on asexuality. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/zvXDuU1MSqb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":null,"MetaTitle":"Yasmin Benoit Debunks Asexual Sex & Relationship Myths : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":567,"Name":"Yasmin Benoit","Image":{"id":2069,"name":"ясмин.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":400,"height":400,"formats":{"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_yasmin_9d2972567b.png","hash":"thumbnail_yasmin_9d2972567b","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_ясмин.png","path":null,"size":24.78,"width":156,"height":156}},"hash":"yasmin_9d2972567b","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":99.04,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/yasmin_9d2972567b.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-12-14T11:37:17.144Z","updated_at":"2021-12-14T11:37:17.152Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1976,"Content":"

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is characterised by experiencing a lack of sexual attraction towards anyone, regardless of their gender. Like most sexualities, it exists on a spectrum or under an umbrella, encompassing a range of experiences with that key characteristic in common. This is often referred to as the asexual or ace umbrella/spectrum, and it includes other identities like graysexuality and demisexuality. Asexuality falls under the A in LGBTQIA+, and despite our diversifying conversations about sexuality, it's often left out of the conversation.

Myth: Asexuality means having no sexuality

Despite the more literal etymology of the word, asexuality does not mean having absolutely no sexuality. Asexual people experience little-to-no sexual attraction, but sexual attraction is just one element of sexuality.

Asexual people can still experience sexual arousal, have a libido, masturbate, have orgasms, have sexual feelings, interests or desires

None of these things are dependent on experiencing sexual attraction, and some people on the ace spectrum might have experienced sexual attraction before, albeit a negligible amount.

Myth: Aces are anti-sex

Asexual people aren't more likely to have negative attitudes towards sex itself, or other people's participation in it, or take issue with how others express their sexuality. The misconception that asexuals are inherently prude or have anti-sex beliefs leads to asexuality being left out of sex-positive discourse, asexual people excluded from sex-positive spaces and even from queer spaces. This rhetoric frames asexual people as being a potential danger to sexual freedom.

You can be asexual and sex-positive, even if you aren't having sex yourself

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1977,"Content":"

Myth: Asexual people don't have sex

For some people, not being sexually attracted to someone rules out all possibility of having sex with them. However, this isn't the same for everyone. There are many reasons why people, including those on the ace spectrum, choose to have sex. It is possible for someone who is asexual or on the ace spectrum to experience pleasure during sex, to enjoy sex, and to be interested in having sex. It just tends not to come from a place of instinsic sexual desire towards other people. Of course, there are many asexual people who choose not to have sex because they don't experience sexual attraction (like me), and that is a valid experience too..

Myth: Aces don't experience romantic attraction

Romantic attraction and sexual attraction overlap for many people in the majority of instances, but not always. You can experience romantic attraction without sexual attraction and vice versa, as explained within the split-attraction model. There are plenty of asexual people who still experience romantic attraction and desire romantic relationships. Those relationships can be as intimate, enduring and legitimate as any other. Experiencing a lack of romantic attraction is known as aromanticism. Some people, like myself, are asexual and aromantic (aro-ace) but they aren't mutually exclusive.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":1978,"Content":"

Things to remember

Every ace person has a different experience

We all have different experiences of our asexuality, different feelings towards our own participation in sex, we develop different forms of attraction to different degrees with different emphasis, we want different kinds of relationships and are on different paths. Asexuality isn't a limitation on what we can achieve, whether it's in relationships or in our lives.

Communication is key

When starting any kind of relationship with an asexual person, it's best not to make assumptions. It's okay to ask respectful questions in the appropriate setting with the ace person you're getting to know. Communication is key. It's essential to understand each other's needs, wants and boundaries - whether that concerns sex or anything else.

Sex isn't everything

Someone not being sexually attracted to you doesn't necessarily mean that they care about you any less. The degree to which someone is lusting after you is not an indicator of how much they value you, how your relationship is going or how legitimate it is. A sexless relationship is not necessarily a bad one. A relationship where one person isn't sexually attracted to the other doesn't necessarily make it worse. There are many ways to desire someone and more important components to a relationship than sex.

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When we communicate with each other, we don’t only exchange conversation, but also feelings. If we project toxic vibes, in response to just being ourselves, it can destroy our healthy sense of self-image. Pure talks about how to recognize toxic relationships and what you can do to get rid of them.

Jealousy

Toxic people tend to be preoccupied with their own ego which decreases ones interest in other people and their feelings. If you do not pay enough attention to these individuals, they'll get jealous and try to make you feel guilty. \"Why did you go to the movies without me?\", \"Why didn’t you invite me to the bar with you\", \"You spend more time with Sasha than with me\". This whole concept is aimed at hiding you from other people and claiming you available at all times, for themselves.

What can remedy this? You should decide once and for all that you indeed will go out with whomever you want and whenever you want. After all, a relationship in which one tries to bind the other by force makes no sense. Then why not just lock you up in the basement and tape your mouth shut?

","published_at":"2022-06-17T07:41:25.030Z","created_at":"2022-06-17T07:41:12.406Z","updated_at":"2024-04-19T09:05:43.431Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"Looking for signs your relationship is toxic? With our list of 5 most important signs, you'll be able to tell if that's the case. We have also added examples of what toxic people say. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/0JEgL3SOurb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":13,"MetaTitle":"5 Signs Your Relationship is Toxic (+ examples of what toxic people say) :PURE.APP","Author":{"id":573,"Name":"Katya Shaposhnikova","Image":{"id":2111,"name":"Катя Шапошникова.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":796,"height":768,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"small_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":502.66,"width":500,"height":482},"medium":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"medium_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":1041.61,"width":750,"height":724},"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":67.77,"width":162,"height":156}},"hash":"Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":634.89,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.121Z","updated_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.129Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2003,"Content":"

Defend your boundaries

If your friend or partner is forcing their opinion on you or has used manipulation to force you to do things you don't like, you're looking at a toxic person. They may appeal to guilt: \"I'm in this situation right now, and you're not helping me.\" Or they may blackmail a relationship, \"If we don't work it out together, I'm going to leave you.\"

What can remedy this? Being unaware towards how to protect your boundaries can lead to emotional dependency. No relationship is worth sacrificing independent choices. Take a break, formulate a problem, and discuss it face-to-face with them. If no agreement is reached, we believe that you should consider ending the relationship.

Arguing with loved ones

If you are arguing with other people or, even worse, with your family because of a toxic partner, if you are hearing gossip behind your back and negative comments about you, it could mean that someone is aiming to cut off your communication with your social bubble.

What can remedy this? Talk to all the people you care about, listen to their opinions and analyze why you are in this situation in the first place. It's important to take an outside look at your relationship: You may not even realize that you are being controlled, while to others it is already obvious.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2004,"Content":"

Criticism

There is a concept of double bind that was studied as early as the 1950s. When a person explains one thing on a superficial level, and we read another through nonverbal signs. This is what criticism looks like in a toxic relationship. It is usually disguised as \"honesty\" or \"caring\": \"Who else but me would tell you the truth?\", \"I am just worried about you, don't you understand?\" All of these simple techniques are used to humiliate the person and boost their self-esteem at your expense.

What can remedy this? Do not be afraid to explain honestly and openly that it makes you uncomfortable to hear such things. Say directly that such criticism hurts you and you will not tolerate it, because sincerity and humiliation are two different things. An adult is capable of withdrawing from an unpleasant dialogue at any time, so why don't you?

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2005,"Content":"

Inability to enjoy with you

Constant underestimation of your accomplishments, inability to share the joy of events in your life, envy of the areas in which they have not succeeded - they surely are toxic. \"Yeah, that guy looks good, but he's probably poor, right?\", \"It's too early to get excited, work in your new job for at least six months first.\" These phrases have a very negative vibe and can not only spoil the mood but also might lead to depression.

What can remedy this? Stop discussing your joys with people who do not share your feelings. Emotional support in a partnership is very important, and if it is not present, there's no reason to stick to it. You deserve better.

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Enbies is a word often used on social media and magazines that talk about gender issues and gender identity. Pure tries to uncover what does this word mean and where it comes from.

What does \"enbies\" mean?

Actually, it's a term used to describe a non-binary person. Enby is used as a singular noun and enbies as a plural. Let us explain why. Nb means non-binary and from this abbreviation, a new word was created. Although it is not yet used in academic papers, you can always use an Urban Dictionary to help you interpret any new slang phrases or expressions. We find it very useful.

","published_at":"2022-06-23T14:57:30.613Z","created_at":"2022-06-23T14:57:15.846Z","updated_at":"2024-07-06T10:04:40.930Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"Enby is a term that means non-binary—we use enby as a singular noun, and enbies in plural. Join us as we explore more about the meaning and interesting facts! : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/rJgHqKK1hqb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":null,"MetaTitle":"Enby: Meaning in English & Interesting Facts : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":586,"Name":"Katya Shaposhnikova","Image":{"id":2111,"name":"Катя Шапошникова.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":796,"height":768,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"small_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":502.66,"width":500,"height":482},"medium":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"medium_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":1041.61,"width":750,"height":724},"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":67.77,"width":162,"height":156}},"hash":"Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":634.89,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.121Z","updated_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.129Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2057,"Content":"

How was “enby” created

The LGBTiQ community adopted the \"non-binary person\" as the most accurate in reference to individuals who do not consider themselves to be of either gender in the 2000s. They were taking a cue from the term used in Southeast Asia for people of fluid gender (hijra), as well as the word used to define androgynous people among American Indians (two-spirit). The term \"enbi\" initially debuted in 2013 on the Tumblr, which was known for taking an aggressive stance in defending the rights of transgender people and genderqueers. Giving non-binary people a simple term for self-determination similar to what everyone is used to (e.g., male for men, female/girl for women) was the aim. We can now use \"enby\" in place of the lengthy \"non-binary\".

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Curiosities on the subject

Stepan Krasheninnikov suggested that the native Kamchatka people had five genders in his book \"Description of Kamchatka Land\" (1755).
English inheritance laws from the XVII century made reference to individuals who did not fit into either gender and were referred to by the “it” pronoun.
Mathematician Michael Spivak utilized the gender-neutral term emself in his books during the 1980s and 1990s.
Mx is a gender-neutral pronoun in English.

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So who are enbies?

Genderqueers, agenders, pangenders, androgynes, demisexuals, gender fluid people. Anyone who does not identify with the male or female gender. Anyone who does not recognize the concept of sexual binarity and sees no point in distinguishing only between the two sexes. In fact, any person who considers themselves a gender-neutral and not a man or woman can be defined as enby. Non-binary people should not be confused with transgender and intersex persons. It is all about self-identification. Often enbies choose \"they\" (they) pronoun, but this is not necessary — many use \"he\", \"she\", \"they\" in various combinations.

Want to learn more about the gender talk? Find out what AFAB and AMAB are.

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This acronym is used to mark the groups of the LGBTQ+ community. It is often used in English, and less so in other languages. Here is Pure’s memo for the abbreviation and our little “how to” if you are going to use it correctly.

","published_at":"2023-05-17T08:07:47.174Z","created_at":"2022-07-22T11:38:36.852Z","updated_at":"2024-07-06T09:44:41.765Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"QTPOC is an abbreviation for Queer and Trans People of Color. Here's all you need to know about them—from the exact meaning of the term, to its history. : Pure. Journal : ","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/unT5KD7MRrb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":null,"MetaTitle":"QTPOC: Meaning, History, Flag & All You Need to Know : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":645,"Name":"Katya Shaposhnikova","Image":{"id":2111,"name":"Катя Шапошникова.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":796,"height":768,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"small_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"small_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":502.66,"width":500,"height":482},"medium":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"medium_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"medium_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":1041.61,"width":750,"height":724},"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","hash":"thumbnail_Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_Катя Шапошникова.png","path":null,"size":67.77,"width":162,"height":156}},"hash":"Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":634.89,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/Katya_Shaposhnikova_031a2cee3e.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.121Z","updated_at":"2021-12-24T12:35:57.129Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2334,"Content":"

What does QTPOC mean?

It is simply the abbreviation of Queer and Trans People of Color. Sometimes the shorter version is being used — QPOC — Queer People of Color. That means all the Afro-American, Asian, and Native American members of the LGBTQ+ are united within the queer culture and are fighting together for the right of the whole community. Historically it works out this way: the acronym QTPOC is used to refer to those who represent the group, and QPOC is mainly used when talking about the special format of events, that are significant for queer- and trans- culture.

Why is it important to name this group separately?

Sad but true fact: the modern world is still racist, homophobic and transphobic. There is still a lot of harassment. The QTPOC movement started with the conversation about activists’ actions toward finding solutions on how to protect and guarantee safety for trans and queer people of color. This group is facing all kinds of discrimination at once. Such activists as Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson started talking about protection for trans-people of color as long ago as in 1969, during the Stonewall riots in New York. Later on, they founded the first QTPOC organization called STAR — Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2335,"Content":"

What are the Stonewall Riots?

It wasn’t legal in the 1960s to run a gay bar. There were, though, a few secret places that were sort of gay speakeasies, but still police raids in these gay bars were routine. It was a deeply humiliating and unfair procedure when police could have entered the bar and started some sort of a “biological gender” check-up. That kind of raid is what exactly happened on 28th June 1969 in a place called Stonewall Inn. But it was unlike any other time before that the gay and lesbian community stood up for their right and fought back. Police officers quickly lost control of the situation and got locked in a bar. The police van was overthrown. A series of demonstrations and riots against homophobiс outrage marked the next few days. And the outcome was that things started to change. A year passed. Human rights organizations have begun working with lesbian and gay people, the laws were reconsidered, and then the very first Pride in the USA happened. The gay parade took place in Greenwich Village.

","background":"black"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2336,"Content":"

What symbols do QTPOC use?

QTPOC’s flag has an image of a raised fist against the rainbow background. It symbolizes not only the resistance but also the cross-over in two communities — the mutuality of problems for LGBTQ+ people and people of color. The palette used for the QTPOC flag is a variety of colors from white to dark brown — and it refers to the vast diversity in the community and the importance of that for QTPOC.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2337,"Content":"

More facts on the subject

In 2017 Philadelphia added black and brown stripes to the rainbow flag as an act to support the QTPOC.
Representatives of the QTPOC community use all the different pronouns to identify themselves: he, she and the gender-neutral they.
RuPaul has admitted in one of the episodes of RuPaul’s Drag race that Marsha P. Johnson is the most inspiring person in the history of drag for him personally.
Since 2018 citizens of New York State can put X in their documents when asked to mark out the gender box.

Few more important terms for you: AFAB/AMAB, enbies, bigender

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“That’s totally wrong, ugly, unladylike” — everybody has an opinion on how people should act in personal life, relationships, and, of course, sex. Olga Nechaeva, the founder of the \"Femosofia\" platform, talks about what an ONS (or One Night Stand) is and how we look at one-night stands in 2024. Spoiler alert: it's more common than you would think.

","published_at":"2024-07-06T08:41:32.535Z","created_at":"2022-08-29T09:55:58.645Z","updated_at":"2024-07-06T08:41:32.565Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"One-night stands are not what they used to be. Discover what the word means in 2024 with the founder of the ''Femosofia'' platform, Olga Nechaeva. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":9,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":null,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/vF3WS3I4Smb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":25,"MetaTitle":"What Does ONS Mean in 2024? Definition & Pros : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":655,"Name":"Olga Nechaeva","Image":{"id":1101,"name":"автор.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":398,"height":384,"formats":{"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_avtor_ed39dc4296.png","hash":"thumbnail_avtor_ed39dc4296","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_автор.png","path":null,"size":55.02,"width":162,"height":156}},"hash":"avtor_ed39dc4296","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":145.75,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/avtor_ed39dc4296.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-06-21T15:16:27.046Z","updated_at":"2021-12-27T15:44:18.591Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2386,"Content":"

In simple terms, what is ONS?

ONS is short for a one-night stand. However, here are some real-life examples and facts about how ONS on a dating site becomes a reality.

\"I know, We slept together, but I can't really remember when, where, or to be fair — who it was,\" is something I've heard more than once in the funny, silly, and passionate stories that girls share during brunch; In those rare moments when they can open up about their private lives, Women are 10% more likely than men to express regret over casual sex. However, this could imply that 65% have no complaints.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2387,"Content":"

How the culture denies ONS

Just as Coco Chanel can make an outfit out of practically anything, we can make anything out of sex: a tragedy, a romance, perhaps a comedy, or even a horror story. Some will say that \"you can't build a relationship from jumping to bed on the first date\"; \"If you agree to have sex right away, a man will lose interest\" — women's magazines are full of advice on how to manipulate your way into a highly desired \"serious relationship.\" There's an underlying assumption that a self-respecting woman cannot like a meaningless casual ONS.

I don't believe that I am the only woman in the world who is put off by the \"woman needs a deep emotional connection,\" \"woman seeks a serious relationship\" stigma.

Tell me what you think about sex, and I'll tell you what your psychological needs are

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2388,"Content":"

ONS is about women's needs, too

We have five fundamental emotional needs that are equally as important as water, food, and sleep. One of them is the desire for intimacy, affection, and a secure connection with another person. It's why we get together, fall asleep in each other's arms, learn about each other's childhood, get married, and name our children.

We need spontaneity, play, and freedom. It hides our love of novelty and adventure, flirtation, playfulness, excitement, and spontaneity. Without this need, we become walking stuffy nerds and shame about humanity. It adds sparkle to our eyes, gives a better mood, and adds spring to our steps so we can be wild, free, and ready.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2389,"Content":"

Will an ONS work for you?

If we have an unfulfilled need for our soul mate, looking for them at One Night Stand is often a lost cause (there are, however, there can be exceptions). But, on the other hand, if your soul seeks adventure, then letting go of all the rules and principles is the best thing you can do to discover the true you.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2390,"Content":"

Pros of a one-night stand

What does \"I'm seeing him for the first and last time\" mean to you?

You are not required to keep your distance, to impress, or to lay the groundwork for a relationship.
You can be yourself, try new things, and ask for whatever you want openly.
You can try out things you wouldn't say to your significant other and play any role you want.
You can say \"no\" and \"yes\" without hesitation, without fear of resentment or a mythical \"sense of duty\".
You can kiss first, say \"let's go to your place,\" and then silently pack up and leave right after, without bothering to explain in the morning.
You could let go of control and trust your body without thinking. You can have the best orgasm in the world or laugh it off together if things don't go the way you intended them to.
You can spend the night with someone \"totally wrong for you\" — and then the following day be wise and all-around decent again.

","background":"black"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2391,"Content":"

Something that isn’t a part of your routine will often appear to be this bright, one-of-a-kind experience. So why are one-night stands looked down upon? Is it written somewhere that good sex can exist in the comfort of your home with a loved one? Good Girls Go to Heaven, but Bad Girls Go Everywhere! Try to make room for everything: pure love and tenderness, as well as the joy of being playful.

Do you enjoy mysterious acronyms as much as we do? Then we suggest you read this piece about FWB.

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We have some news for you if you identify as a man and you practice sex with men. Sex has long been considered to be more than just penetration. Inquiring about the partner's stance can be seen as impolite, to say the least. It seems that the distinction between tops and bottoms appears to have been invented by homophobes. However, there is also some good news.

","published_at":"2023-05-17T07:55:10.352Z","created_at":"2022-09-05T10:21:58.963Z","updated_at":"2024-07-06T08:35:33.548Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"The top is considered the dominant/giving partner, while the bottom is the passive/receiving partner. Find out more and why these terms are now obsolete. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/pkEqcR8A4sb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":null,"landing_priority":null,"banner":null,"MetaTitle":"What Does Top and Bottom Mean and Why It's Wrong : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":659,"Name":"Katya Shaposhnikova, Stas Sarkisov","Image":{"id":173,"name":"pure_team.jpg","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":512,"height":512,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".jpg","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0.jpg","hash":"small_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0","mime":"image/jpeg","name":"small_photo_2021-03-11_17-00-44 (2).jpg","path":null,"size":26.82,"width":500,"height":500},"thumbnail":{"ext":".jpg","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0.jpg","hash":"thumbnail_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0","mime":"image/jpeg","name":"thumbnail_photo_2021-03-11_17-00-44 (2).jpg","path":null,"size":5.92,"width":156,"height":156}},"hash":"photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0","ext":".jpg","mime":"image/jpeg","size":21.02,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0.jpg","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-04-07T15:39:32.694Z","updated_at":"2022-11-24T14:13:09.451Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2412,"Content":"

What are \"tops\" and \"bottoms\"?

The top is considered the dominant/giving partner, while the bottom is the passive/receiving partner. Initially, definitions are linked to the practice of anal sex. These terms first appeared in the 1950s and were adopted by the BDSM community in the 1960s: top and bottom were used as synonyms for dominant and submissive participants, respectively. This strong value intersection shatters the expectations of the gay community (and others) from the behavior of the \"top\" and \"bottom.\" We are sure you are aware that a bottom can violently dominate, whereas a top can be submissive too.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2413,"Content":"

These terms are reminiscent of patriarchal gender roles and the desire to stereotype people based on their preferences

How the terms have evolved

The term \"versatile\" first appeared in the 1970s to describe someone who can perform both of the roles. External markers were introduced at around same time. A tattoo or piercing on the left, for example, indicates that the person is a “top”, and vice versa. Then, a tendency to position yourself as versatile began to take place. The versatile top and bottom appeared, showing that behind labels there is also plenty freedom of expression.

All of these terms are now in use, but they are almost always heavily criticized for imitating patriarchal gender roles and the desire to stereotype people based on their preferences. Everyone is subject to expectations. If you are a top, act like one by being proactive and dominating. Ugh!

What's wrong with it

As feminism and the fight against discrimination gained traction, concerns about this concept become more common. In an interview with the LGBT Attitude Magazine in 2018, TV host Andy Cohen stated that the terms \"top\" and \"bottom\" were obsolete, and drew attention to bottom-shaming tracing back to the patriarchal culture.

Years&Years frontman Ollie Alexander openly criticized labeling in an interview with GQ the same year, calling it an outdated form of identity and a product of traditional masculinity and femininity.

In 2019, the British GQ published an article titled \"It's Time to Stop Pigeonholing Gay Men as Tops and Bottoms\". They talk about how indecent it is to start the conversation on a dating app asking \"Top or bottom?\"; whether a gay couple is obligated to practice anal sex; and the indigency of bottom-shaming by resemblance with discrimination against women.

Remember how you talk about gay couples with your friends. A dom guy with a large number of partners — real man, desired by everyone. A submissive guy who has more than one partner in their lifetime — is easy and therefore, unattractive.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2414,"Content":"

There are no more terms - there are agreements

In 2022, we consider sexual categorization dead — it no longer defines anything as there’s an infinite number of preferences, desires, and kinks. Neither the modern BDSM community, LGBTiQ+ representatives, nor hetero couples want to be labeled. No one wants to be perceived through a point of view that is irrelevant to anyone, other than your partner.

The most important thing that is always forgotten is that preferences are situational, determined by context, partner, psychological state, and physical capabilities, rather than by some canon. It's just that they decided to keep quiet about it in the 1950s, and we fell for it!

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2415,"Content":"

In the subject

The oldest known same-sex couple are Niinhnum and Khnumhotep, court manicurists from Sakkara, who were buried together as a married couple in 2400 BC;
The church could bless same-sex marriages during the reign of Byzantine Emperor Basil I (867-886);
Switch hitter (batting in both directions) was used as a synonym for bisexual, and pitching and catching were used as synonyms for top and bottom. These terms were borrowed from American football.

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Everyone is talking about unicorns. But not the magical creatures with a long twisted horn and some sparkly dust around. Unicorns in dating and in bedroom are a totally different kind of creature — and mostly they look like you. Maybe you are even one of them, just look in the mirror and read this little Pure note. Who is a unicorn when it comes to dating and how to find one?

More and more people are discovering themselves wanting to try being in an open relationship, but not quite, or not quite being in a relationship, but still having the warmth of connection. Actually what about a menage a trois, but with a certain setup? Well, unicorns are just that magical in fairytales and dating too. Let’s see what exactly does that mean: unicorn dating.

","published_at":"2023-05-17T08:00:44.869Z","created_at":"2022-09-05T11:56:14.469Z","updated_at":"2024-07-06T09:01:26.619Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"“Unicorn” in dating describes the third person, who joins an existing couple for sex, dates or sometimes a deeper connection. Learn more about them in this article. : Pure. Journal : ","InLanding":false,"tag":null,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":"https://puredating.app.link/WBKCxcAK4sb","short_title":null,"landing_background_color":"gray","landing_priority":null,"banner":null,"MetaTitle":"Unicorn Dating: What is it and How to Find a Unicorn? : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":669,"Name":"Alexandra Boyarskaya","Image":{"id":3475,"name":"сашабоярская.png","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":200,"height":200,"formats":{"thumbnail":{"ext":".png","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_sashaboyarskaya_b973fe11f3.png","hash":"thumbnail_sashaboyarskaya_b973fe11f3","mime":"image/png","name":"thumbnail_сашабоярская.png","path":null,"size":46.99,"width":156,"height":156}},"hash":"sashaboyarskaya_b973fe11f3","ext":".png","mime":"image/png","size":55.4,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/sashaboyarskaya_b973fe11f3.png","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2022-09-05T12:59:30.780Z","updated_at":"2022-09-05T12:59:30.893Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2462,"Content":"

What is a unicorn in dating?

“Unicorn” in dating describes the third person, who joins an existing couple for sex, dates or sometimes a deeper connection. It’s important to understand the setup correctly: both partners in a couple should enjoy unicorn’s companionship, and the unicorn is not a part of a throuple. He, she or they are somebody who doesn’t have that strong emotional connection with either of the partners, and doesn’t feel jealous about couple’s love or sex life, that happens without a unicorn.

As in many non-conventional setups, a combination of a “couple + unicorn” in one bed is a subject to discuss. Imagine three of you in bed — obviously, there are questions to be asked about sexual preferences of each party. But with unicorns it might feel slightly different. Unicorn joins an existing couple for a pleasurable adventure so the two partners do know each other very well and the main “extra” will be the unicorn. All questions asked, but the “role play” should be discussed beforehand. Once again, it might be you in a couple with your partner or you as a unicorn.

Though “unicorn” is a matter of three with some certain rules, you might want to read more about the three-person scenario.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2463,"Content":"

Am I a unicorn in bed?

If that’s you who wants to join a couple with the magical sexy power of yours, ask yourself some questions. Ask yourself: what am I really looking for? Answers about your sexuality should come even before entering the three-person scenario. Is that commitment-free sexual activity with the possibility of friendship? Probably the unicorn part suits you. You are looking to expand your sexual boundaries? That will work too. And trying a three-person script with no strings on your side attached? Probably yes. When entering a sexual play with a couple, communicate to yourself first — what type of experience, especially physical, are you craving?

It might seem a little too thoughtful when it comes to pleasure. But most pleasure comes with knowledge, and not only you should understand your own needs — it’s important to clarify them to the couple. The more time you spend together before jumping into bed the better. You might understand yourself and your desires and you have clearly delivered them. Now it’s about time to ask about the couple’s expectations — whom they are looking for to meet as a unicorn? You don’t have to serve their sexual fantasy but you might want to if you like what you hear. It can definitely widen your own ideas of what you might want to try.

As in any set of three people, the idea of possible pleasure can be thrilling, but the reality can bring new feelings to unveil. Anyone can turn jealous and it’s a matter of a prior discussion of how hard feelings can be communicated in the heat of the moment.

So if you are sexually curious, if you know enough about your own sexuality and wants and nots, but yet want to dive into the nuances — try considering yourself as a unicorn. Stating this in your Profile or an ad will bring you enough interest and probably a rush of options. Even a conversation with a real person about your unicorn role in an intercourse can make it more clear: are you ready and are you the one?

Self-discovery in terms of personal preferences is an amazing journey. Here is Pure article about that too.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":2464,"Content":"

How to find a unicorn for a pleasurable date?

A unicorn is named after a rare and hardly possible to find creature. Well, a “dating unicorn” is less mythical. Finding a unicorn is pretty much about online dating apps, like Pure — because it is all based on the clear and pretty shameless message that you send to the world. Yes, you are a couple and yes, the two of you are looking for a third party. It’s not about a drunken ONS with a friend of a friend, it’s an adult decision for the pleasure of the grown-ups who are clear in what they want. So stating this in your ad and meeting up for a chat-and-check is a great way to explore your desires as a couple. Talk to your partner about it as detailed as you can so that you are both on the same side when it comes to a date with your unicorn.

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What are the shallow ends of the unicorn relationship?

Even two people dating is a matter of feelings that can be involved — and here you have +1 person to consider. This setup can be somewhat difficult to understand beforehand. Three complex personalities with their own desires, boundaries, turn-ons and needs. All of them should be considered. Some arrangements can suddenly change as the feelings of one of the parties can change. Three makes a number of combinations and every combination provides a different field of emotions.

And last but not the least. If you are engaging with a unicorn or as a unicorn is some physical connection for pleasure — remember that it’s safer to tell a friend or someone really close to you about your plans.

So now that we talked about it so seriously — let’s get back to the why you might want it. It’s liberating. It can be hot and exciting. It can bring you so much freedom and fun and pleasure as nothing before. And it can totally teach you new things about your own sexuality. Being more self-aware and learning about your sexuality in a safe environment is what makes you a better, happier person. Ah, and you can totally make new friends.

Try yourself as a unicorn or go find one on Pure app. No shame in being honest and open about your sexual curiosity!

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Okay, so you’re on Pure. All is cool, but those letters and words – they don’t make sense to you! Everything looks like the CIA is sending signals to MI5, Mossad or whatever. Let’s explore together! We present to you our ultimate Pure vocabulary. And no, that won’t be your usual A to Z, we will try to go with the most popular ones. Feel free to send us feedback or ask for more explanations or even maybe send us your versions of what is what on Pure dating!

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ONS

That’s a one night stand, meaning you will see each other just once, have a coital intercourse and goodbye. But sometimes it’s the start of a long love story with chemistry and butterflies. When you come to an app for fun, no expectations, you sometimes get unexpected bonuses and much more.

FWB

Friends with benefits. “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta be my friend” – that was said by the iconic Spice Girls. Does it work for real? Well, it’s something like the Spice Girls reunion: it can work on rare occasions. Good thing here, if you say yes to this, you will either find a new friend or have a great ONS if you won't manage the FWB setup.

420

Hear, hear our little cannabis lovers. Just make sure it’s legal in your area, cause nobody wants to have their date turned into THAT story. Learn more!

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Poly

Okay, that one’s tricky! You may know that it refers to ethical non monogamy, but what does it really mean? It means that one wants (and does!) to have several relationships at a time, where everyone knows everything and there is an agreement between all the participants that everyone follows. Is it a fit for you? We don’t know, but do read our article.

Sexting

Just like texting but all you talk about is coitus-related. But do spice it up with some jokes!

BDSM

Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism. That’s a specific type of relationship. It is not just about pain and power, a great part of the play is aftercare. And of course don’t practice it with someone you don’t know, haven’t discussed rules with or if just something seems off.

Here’s something you have to read, but we encourage you to learn more before you decide whether it’s okay for you.

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Kink

That’s just something that turns you on. It can be feet or Mozzart! But if this makes you weirdly aroused – that’s a kink. Here is our cool quiz!

Enby

That means a non-binary person. Just a right way to tell or write it.

Sooo here are some basics, but we will be back with more shortly. Do ask your questions and do enjoy dating with the Pure App!

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Journalist and sex blogger Arina Holina discusses the psychology of open relationships and their appeal. Let’s explore how this arrangement tends to create issues and whether you should consider it in your romantic life.

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How an open relationship works

Our female friend noticed that the guy he was seeing had practically moved in with her. This didn't bother her; in fact, she enjoyed it, prompting her to suggest something new. She was eager to move on to something more serious, but she was uncomfortable with the idea of monogamy. She also saw no reason or desire to change her mind, so she was frank about it. This was a true ultimatum for their relationship, and the guy, thankfully, had no objections.

And they’ve lived happily ever after. For 20 years now! Here’s how it works:

They can have sex separately from each other. It can be as easy as going out, finding a new fling, and having sex with them;
There is always a chance of falling in love during a fling. This is something that they both realize and accept, sex with different people isn't everything. We seek romance, that's why many people have affairs. In their arrangement, no one is afraid of losing anyone. First of all, it doesn't always have to be catastrophic, and secondly, they treat each other like family already;
They have both sex and affairs with people. A couple of times it was even a relationship for several years. Casual sex with new people is not excluded.

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How many people are in open relationships?

We recently surveyed the Pure Community and found that 10%~ of respondents were in open relationships. At the same time, 68% of those surveyed said they wouldn't mind if they found out that their date was already in a relationship. Stats speak louder than words!

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An open relationship without a partner - what is it like?

Yes, it is entirely possible to have an open relationship, even if you’re not exclusively seeing someone. You can easily be the third person in an open arrangement. Just for once or for a while. Some people would rather not be in a permanent relationship, so this is a great option.

Your lover might already live with their main partner, and perhaps, you could settle down with them, and participate in all obligations, but let's be honest, a third person is rarely able to integrate into an existing relationship. Everyone usually just wants sex - just because of the thrill of being with multiple partners. Though, everyone is different. You can have sex with someone today, and you can cuddle with someone else. Once again, no one can forbid you from connecting with someone else. That said, there has to be a transparent and mutually understood relationship for you to do that.

Women, of course, have a big advantage here - not all men are willing to accommodate another man in their relationship. Women have a much easier attitude towards sex with women, while men, even without any dated homophobia, find it harder, and it’s not rare. If you're a woman, you can walk into any type of arrangement (if you all like each other). Really, if you're part of a couple and you want a second man in your relationship, your husband most probably won’t be ready for such an experience. C’est la vie.

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Open relationships in marriage

In theory, you can transition from a closed to an open relationship over time, but let's face it: most people are too conservative to consider it. No matter what changes you want to make, habits tend to stick to us. When most people have broken free, they find it easier to get a divorce - and have a new, open relationship. We know one woman who spent three years trying to convince her husband that having two blankets was not a betrayal of their love and passion. Imagine how hard it would be to talk about open relationships with someone like that.

But if you're determined, this guide on how to find a third will help you. First for sex and then you'll see

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Rules of an open relationship

An open relationship can be a great option if both partners are completely on board from the very beginning. Otherwise, one will insist on being free, while the other will try to accept it (but in reality, suffer in silence). It shouldn't be all betrayal for one and liberty for the other.

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We think everyone has a turn-on. To help you navigate Pure better, we've compiled this Turn-On Vocabulary to help you choose from our extensive list of preferences while dating and when in bed. Some of them are pretty straightforward, and some of them, we're sure, will surprise you. Read, learn, and apply in practice!

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1. Cuddles

Whether it’s foreplay or aftercare — cuddling is a great way of getting close to someone. Clothes on or off, bed or bathtub, arms or legs (or both) entwined: The possibilities are nigh endless.

2. Kisses

This one is not just about making out. If you enjoy kissing your partner’s body, or having a partner do it — add it to your profile. Love a perky kiss on the cheek when you meet someone? This Turn-On is for you!

3. Massage

Add it when you enjoy massaging, kneading, and stroking your partner's body — or someone else doing it to you. It doesn't have to be about getting it on, so feel free to add it if you're a tactile human being.

4. Music

Add it if you like sharing playlists, going to concerts and parties, listening to music together, and getting to know each other through your musical preferences.

5. Literature

Do you enjoy reading books? Sharing opinions and recommendations? Are you a fan of gifting and receiving books, or have you always wanted to be a librarian? Bookmark this Turn-on!

6. Film buff

If you avidly watch TV series and movies, have all the streaming subscription services, and love to talk about Polanski, Kubrick, and Hitchcock on a first date, add this Turn-On to your profile.

7. Foot fetish

Do you like touching and kissing feet, ankles and calves? How about watching your partner do it? We're head over heels for this Turn-On, too.

8. Devices

Vibrators, anal plugs, strap-ons, satisfiers, and all kinds of pumps. If you like sex toys or would like to give them a try, this Turn-On is your new go-to!

9. Scents

Perfumes and scented cosmetics, body odor, clothes, and shoes, a light note of tobacco on the skin — if any of these things make you happy or excited, this Turn-On was made for you!

10. Oral Sex

Cunnilingus, blowjobs, rimming, and more. Add it to your profile if you like giving or receiving oral pleasure. Maybe you're up for both?

11. Biting

If you like biting your partner during foreplay or enjoy getting bitten, this Turn-On is for you, Mr. Dracula. Enjoy.

12. Bushes

For the ones who like hair under arms, in private areas, on legs, face, hands, and anywhere else! Love all things au-naturel? Don't be shy — add this Turn-On to your profile.

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13. Home Video

If you enjoy making videos of your shared or solo practices, watching them together, and sharing them with each other — pick this Turn-On.

14. Striptease

If you enjoy watching your partner move in front of you as they slowly remove their clothes, or putting on a private show yourself, this Turn-On is well-suited for you.

15. Being watched

Many people are turned on when someone else watches them doing it. Live or on video. You do too? Let everyone know by adding this Turn-On to your profile.

16. Fantasies

Choose it if you want to share your sensual fantasies, whether unfulfilled or real. Are you wishing for that special someone to tell you theirs?

17. Dirty Talk

Words can be a powerful tool in bed. Add it if you enjoy talking dirty, or listening to someone’s dirty talk.

18. Sapiosexuality

Smart is sexy. If minds get you going, you love science, and you sometimes scream \"Eureka!\" during orgasm, this Turn-On is the right equation for you.

19. Sexting

Imagine what those fingers can do! If you dream of them typing smutty messages and sending nudes, here's how to get you one step closer to it: Pick \"Sexting\" as your Turn-On.

20. Breakfast

The best breakfast in bed is morning sex. The best morning pleasure is breakfast in bed. If one or both options work for you, you know what to do.

21. Hotel

Hotel fun or date night isn't just about perfect sex on crisp sheets. Choose this Turn-On if you live for luxurious rooms and great views.

22. Feminism

If you're a feminist, support women's rights, and recognize gender equality — we're so proud of you. Make sure you let everyone know by adding this Turn-On!

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23. Spanking

Sometimes a firm hand is just the right thing. Or a whip? Cane? Hey, everyone has a different pain tolerance. Now bend over!

24. I'm a dom

This one is for people who are sexually dominant or in a BDSM relationship. We are on our knees, we beg you Master, consider adding this Turn-On to your profile. Sorry for asking, and thank you!

25. I'm a sub

This Turn-On is for those who like to submit to the Dom's will. Add it to your profile. Do it now!

26. Switch

Sometimes you can’t choose. Dom today, sub tomorrow and a little bit of both inbetween. Do you like the best of both worlds?

27. Skin

If you love wearing leather and latex or admire the ones who prefer such outfits, this Turn-On suits all adult leather lovers.

28. Raver misbehaviour

If there’s something that ravers are particularly good at, it’s getting sweaty with strangers — for a LONG time. All while shaking their ass. Sounds familiar? Then mix this Turn-On into your profile.

29. Adrenaline sports

How far can you go? How high can you climb? If being outside gets your blood boiling, you might be an adrenaline fiend — and this is your Turn-On, sporty.

30. Been to therapy

If you want to let people know you’re going to therapy and want to meet people who are into it. Our study has shown that going to therapy is on of the hottest turn-ons for our community! Click here to learn more.

31. Cuckold

Choose this Turn-On if you like watching someone having fun with your partner in front of you. Or behind your back ;) But only you know about it, approve of it, and most importantly, it turns you on.

32. Wax play

Pick this Turn-On if you're into (safe) use of hot wax during foreplay or sex. Caution: It's hot!

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33. Role play

This Turn-On is for those who want to play out their fantasies in reality, and get into different characters, from everyday scenarios to historical figures.

34. Butt-play

Perfect for any anal action — whether you pick an active or passive role. Now poke it out and be proud about it.

35. Edging

Do you enjoy teasing your partner and controlling their orgasm? Want someone else to control the moment you cum? You’re truly living on the edge, fur ball!

36. Blindfold

Visual deprivation can help you focus on other senses. What do you really feel, who and where?

37. Chocolate

Pick this Turn-On if you're into whole dom and sub action, S&M, or can teach someone the ropes. Pun intended!

38. Tattoo & Piercing

Choose this Turn-On if you admire piercing and tattoos — on your or your partners' bodies. Crazy about it? Add it for everyone to see.

39. Swinging

Consensual swap of sexual partners — in private or at specialized events. Sharing is caring, right?

40. Vanilla

Refers to traditional (as recognized by the conventional majority) sexual practices. Softness, tenderness, compliments, and real romance. Yum!

41. Artsy dates

Choose it if you prefer dates in art spaces. Galleries, lectures, exhibitions, workshops, movies — anywhere where you can get to know a person through their perception of beauty.

42. Let's dance

Your life is seriously missing something if you can’t shake a leg? We’ve got the perfect Turn-On, dancing queen. One, two, cha-cha-cha, add this Turn-On to your profile.

43. Cosplay

Suppose you love turning into heroes of computer games, movies, comics, anime, and manga. Are you looking for someone to join you to Comic Con? This Turn-On will help you find the one.

44. Anime

This Turn-On is perfect for die-hard fans of Japanese animation, and for those who want to know more. Add this Turn-On to your profile to find like-minded individuals, Pure-san!

45. Board games

Monopoly, Scrabble, and more. Choose Board games if you hate being bored and love games. Looking for someone to magically gather with?

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America’s Misconceptions About Bisexuality","lang":"en","Type":"post","slug":"bi-gnorance-america","StoryAuthor":null,"Description":"

Pure surveyed 2,000 Americans on their thoughts and understanding of bisexuality, and the results show there’s still a long way to go.

In many US states, engaging in a same-sex relationship was considered illegal up until 2003. Just imagine, doing what you want with your body and a consenting partner of your choice… a crime punishable by up to 15 years in prison.

Thankfully, society has — for the most part — stopped forcing the LGBTQ+ community to stay in the closet. Embracing America’s sexual awakening, some 7.2% of US adults are now proudly LGBTQ+ with nearly three-fifths of those identifying as bisexual. However, while 71% are now accepting of non-heterosexual relationships, misconceptions remain when it comes to those who like it both ways.

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Key takeaways

Some 36% of American adults find bisexuality attractive, while 20% would be open to experimenting with a friend of the same sex if the opportunity arises.
However, negative beliefs regarding bisexuality persist. Some 13% of Americans feel bisexual people are incapable of monogamy, while 19% believe they are more likely to cheat on a partner.
These harmful misconceptions are likely to impact bisexual people in the workplace, with a quarter having considered hiding their sexuality to protect their career prospects.

","background":"black"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3485,"Content":"

A bisexual awakening: America’s growing attraction

America has finally whipped off its modest attire and dropped its prudish attitudes toward sex. Bisexuality is no longer taboo. Rather, for 36% of adults, it’s a turn-on.

Likewise, while some would still feel uncomfortable were a friend of the same sex to express attraction towards them, the majority of Americans would feel flattered — and 20% would even be open to trying something new. This suggests that, while just over 5% of the American population identifies as bisexual, attraction towards the same gender may be more common than we think.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3486,"Content":"

Beyond binary: America's harmful perspective on bisexuality

America is much more open in its attitudes towards bisexuality than it once was. Yet, no matter how many scientists and experts say otherwise, the idea that sexual preference is a choice refuses to go away. While the majority now accept that same-sex attraction is totally natural, nearly 40% of Americans still believe that bisexual people actively decide to be that way. In fact, 3% don’t believe bisexuality exists at all — despite the mountain of evidence suggesting otherwise.

Likewise, 20% feel that it is simply a stepping stone for those attracted to the same sex. That’s simply not true. In fact, researchers recently reviewed 19 years and eight studies worth of data from four different prestigious universities. Their conclusion? Bisexuality exists just like any other sexual orientation. Sure, figuring out who we are and what we’re into can be tricky, but bisexuality isn’t simply a state of confusion.

This misconception also shows in attitudes towards older members of the bisexuality community, with one in ten Americans believing that those aged over 40 cannot be bisexual… because surely they have had enough time and experiences by then to decide which they prefer.

As with most things that are in our nature, sexual orientation isn’t binary. Studies have also shown that our genetics can influence what foods we like — and just because you like oranges, does that mean you can’t like apples too?

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Choosing bisexuality (and the societal scorn that comes with it)

If bisexuality is a choice, it begs the question: Why would anyone choose to be part of a community that faces constant abuse and aggression? And not only in public, with threats of violence against the LGBTQ+ community rising, but also in the political sphere, with the Supreme Court’s recent ruling that businesses can refuse service on the grounds of sexuality.

Well, according to 26% of Americans, it’s because being bisexual offers those who identify as such perks that the rest of the population cannot enjoy.

It’s not entirely clear what bisexual people can do that others cannot, but one such perk could be the ability to have a one-night stand without repercussions. While the vast majority believe that sleeping with someone of the same gender while in a relationship is cheating, almost a fifth of Americans disagree.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3488,"Content":"

Harmful misconceptions: Questioning the bi community’s commitment

While the majority of Americans have come to accept the LGBTQ+ community, negative beliefs surrounding bisexuality persist.

For instance, 13% believe that bisexual people are incapable of monogamy. If you’re attracted to both sexes, how could you possibly commit yourself to one? Only, you could ask that same question to somebody of any sexual orientation regarding any preference… How could you commit to somebody with brown hair if you also like blondes?

The fact is, no matter who we are and what we like, commitment will always involve sacrifice — That’s not exclusive to bisexuality.

Getting into a monogamous relationship is one thing, staying in it is another matter. Some 19% of Americans think that bisexuals in exclusive relationships are more likely to cheat on their partner than those of other sexual orientations.

This misconception likely stems from the belief that bisexual people are more promiscuous when it comes to sex. For decades, the idea of the sexually liberated homosexual — sleeping with anyone and everyone — has been hammered into us by producers and politicians. With this view in mind, it’s understandable that some may conclude that the sexual appetite of bisexual people, carefree in their attractions, must be out of control.

Only, studies have shown that sexual orientation has little impact on the number of sexual partners the average person tends to have. Monogamy isn’t for everyone, and that’s totally fine, but there’s zero indication that bisexuality makes somebody incapable of commitment.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3489,"Content":"

Back in the closet: The unjust choice between career or community

Sexual orientation has no impact on work performance either. Yet, 25% of bisexual people have felt the need to pretend they’re straight in order to succeed in their professional lives. Why? Because despite all the progress made, discrimination remains rife in the workplace. In fact, studies have shown half of LGBTG+ workers have faced bias at some stage in their careers.

Gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual, or other… Sexual orientation should have no impact on how people are seen or treated. But, evidently, there’s still work to do.

Methodology: To create this study, researchers from Pure surveyed 2,000 Americans aged over 18 years old. To capture a clear representation of the general public, participants were selected at random and with no focus on particular genders, ethnicities, sexualities or social backgrounds.

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Incognito mode on Pure?","lang":"en","Type":"post","slug":"pure-incognito-mode","StoryAuthor":null,"Description":"

Incognito mode is a new feature that will let you browse the app discreetly. While in incognito mode, we won't let your match know you've read their messages until you reply, and you won’t be shown as “online”. You can also opt-in to show your ads only to those you liked. In this guide, we tell you how to enable this feature and answer the most popular questions about it.

","published_at":null,"created_at":"2023-12-07T09:58:16.737Z","updated_at":"2024-02-20T16:12:32.580Z","TypeTitle":null,"Caption":null,"priority":1,"InSlider":false,"MetaDescription":"Incognito mode is a new feature that will let you browse the app discreetly. In this guide, we tell you how to enable this feature and answer the most popular questions about it. : Pure. Journal :","InLanding":false,"tag":11,"category":57,"OnDating":false,"isOnboarding":false,"BranchLink":null,"short_title":null,"landing_background_color":"gray","landing_priority":null,"banner":13,"MetaTitle":"What's Incognito mode on Pure? : PURE.APP","Author":{"id":893,"Name":"Pure Team","Image":{"id":173,"name":"pure_team.jpg","alternativeText":"","caption":"","width":512,"height":512,"formats":{"small":{"ext":".jpg","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/small_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0.jpg","hash":"small_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0","mime":"image/jpeg","name":"small_photo_2021-03-11_17-00-44 (2).jpg","path":null,"size":26.82,"width":500,"height":500},"thumbnail":{"ext":".jpg","url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/thumbnail_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0.jpg","hash":"thumbnail_photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0","mime":"image/jpeg","name":"thumbnail_photo_2021-03-11_17-00-44 (2).jpg","path":null,"size":5.92,"width":156,"height":156}},"hash":"photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0","ext":".jpg","mime":"image/jpeg","size":21.02,"url":"https://pure-blog-production.soulplatform.com/photo_2021_03_11_17_00_44_2_e34e5b24e0.jpg","previewUrl":null,"provider":"aws","provider_metadata":null,"created_at":"2021-04-07T15:39:32.694Z","updated_at":"2022-11-24T14:13:09.451Z"}},"Elements":[{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3547,"Content":"

What is Incognito mode?

It's a paid feature that lets you stay invisible on Pure for 24 hours. Once you put on your Incognito hat, you can scroll through your feed and match people, like always. Here's what will change:

Your matches won't see you've read their messages until you reply.
Noone will know whether you’re online.
If you choose, you can hide your ad after enabling Incognito mode, so only those you liked will see you in the feed.

Once the Incognito mode is off, people will see whenever you’re online, and the \"read\" status will be shown once you've read someone's messages.

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3548,"Content":"

But why not simply hide your ad from the feed?

You can! But by hiding your ad without the Incognito mode, you won't be able to browse the feed and match new people. On the other hand, if you choose to hide your ad within Incognito mode, it can still be seen by the people you've liked! Incognito mode is perfect for those who don't want to appear online but want to continue chatting with their matches.

Who can use Incognito mode?

Everyone. The option works for all profiles, regardless of gender or location.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3549,"Content":"

How do I enable Incognito mode?

First, you need to update Pure to the latest version. There are several ways to become invisible:

In chats, you can switch it on with the hat toggle. If you haven't bought a hat yet, you will see a pop-up offering you one of three options: buying one, three, or seven hats.
In the settings, on the purchases tab, you can enable incognito mode by clicking “Switch on”. Here, you'll also see how many hats you’ve already purchased.
Important: if you wish to hide your ad from new people and only be seen by those you like, you can do that in your profile by clicking “Hide from feed.” You can click “Publish in feed” if you wish to make your ad visible to everyone at any time.

You can also buy incognito hats by clicking on the banner at the top of the chat list

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3550,"Content":"

How long does the Incognito mode last?

One hat makes you invisible for 24 hours. You can turn Incognito off and on again whenever you want. Important: during these 24 hours, the timer keeps ticking, even if you deactivate the Incognito mode.

How do I know how much time I have left?

Go to your profile settings, then the \"Purchases\" tab, and look for the hat icon - you’ll see the number of hats, aka Incognito modes, you have. Here, you'll see a timer. Also, we show you how much time is left whenever you turn Incognito mode on and off. When the magic of the spy hat runs out, we'll notify you, too. To stay invisible, put on a new hat.

How do I know if my match has activated the Incognito mode?

You don't. That's why we invented it! It allows you and everyone else to remain invisible and chat in comfort.

Who can see me online when the Incognito mode is activated?

No one. Your online status doesn’t appear under your ad even if you are online.

","background":"white"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3551,"Content":"

But that's ghosting!

We've always been against ghosting and other questionable communication strategies - we discuss it in our journal. Chats on Pure get automatically deleted after 24 hours, leaving no chance for someone to ignore you intentionally. Incognito mode is all about privacy. And if someone doesn't want to chat for whatever reason, they will do that without any extra features; that's the reality.

We've asked our community to tell us why they use Incognito mode. Here are the most common answers:

\"I don't want to be on everyone's radar, but I don't want to hide my ad either.\"
\"I have a lot of likes and gifts. I don't have time to reply to everyone, and I don't want them to think I'm ignoring them\".
\"The \"read\" status gives a false expectation of an immediate response. But with Incognito mode, you can reply when it's convenient.\"
\"I basically always take the first step and choose who to like. So I prefer that my ad is not visible to everyone.\"
\"I just love the anonymity, simple as that.\"

","background":"gray"},{"__component":"blog.blog-element","id":3552,"Content":"

I've purchased Incognito hats, which are not showing up in my purchases. What should I do?

If you run into any issues with Incognito mode, send details of what went wrong and your ID to feedback@pure.app. To find your Pure ID, go to: Profile ➡️Settings ➡️General tab ➡️My Account/ID. Click on Pure ID to copy it, then send it to us! We'll ensure you get your hats!

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PURE DATING — AT THE SPEED OF DESIRE!

PURE DATING — NO EXPECTATIONS, NO LIMITS

PURE DATING — AT THE SPEED OF DESIRE!

PSSST... HOW ABOUT FANTASIES IRL?

Pros

It’s fun

Confidence boost

You’re free to explore new things

You open up

Cons

Fear of loneliness

It’s likely going to catch up

You’re probably hurting people

You might attract unhealthy dynamics

Questions to ask yourself before seeking a post-breakup rebound

PURE DATING — ANYTHING BUT BORING!

What is ethical non-monogamy?

PURE DATING — ANYTHING BUT BORING!

Is ethical non-monogamy the same as cheating, you might ask?

Why do people choose ethical non-monogamy?

The most common types of ENM relationships

PURE DATING — HERE, NOW WITH NO SHAME!

So, first of all, what is “ghosting”?

How does ghosting work?

But why do people ghost others?

Ghosts — what kind of people are they?

Do you get ghosted a lot?

PURE DATING — AT THE SPEED OF DESIRE!

What are the consequences for those who get ghosted?

What’s MILF?

PSSST.. HOW ABOUT FANTASIES IRL?

The Basics

Crush? Or cringe?

PURE DATING — APP YOU WERE LOOKING FOR!

Some cool facts about Milfs

Getting to the bottom

Catfish Types

PURE DATING — NO EXPECTATIONS, NO LIMITS

Some catfishing facts

How technology made it easier

So, how do we identify a catfish?

Definition of bigender

PURE DATING — AT THE SPEED OF DESIRE!

Bigenderism and bisexuality are different things

What is bigenderism in science?

On a related note:

Who are polysexuals

PURE DATING — HERE, NOW WITH NO SHAME!

Too much \"poly-\". What's the difference?

Bisexuals and Polysexuals

In this context, a note:

What exactly are cisgender people?

PURE — NO TABOO DATING!

What exactly is AFAB?

What exactly is AMAB?

And why is this knowledge necessary?

But it's not so simple with AFAB and AMAB

What is asexuality?

PURE DATING — HERE, NOW WITH NO SHAME!

Myth: Asexuality means having no sexuality

Myth: Aces are anti-sex

Myth: Asexual people don't have sex

Myth: Aces don't experience romantic attraction

Things to remember

Every ace person has a different experience

Communication is key

Sex isn't everything

Jealousy

PURE DATING — AT THE SPEED OF DESIRE!

Defend your boundaries

Arguing with loved ones

Criticism

Inability to enjoy with you

What does \"enbies\" mean?

PURE DATING — HERE, NOW WITH NO SHAME!

How was “enby” created

Curiosities on the subject

So who are enbies?

What does QTPOC mean?

PURE DATING — HERE, NOW WITH NO SHAME!

Sexuality and polysexuality