16 September 2021
The art of a dick pic: Harder than it looks
Most dick pics suck and Pure wants to fix it - now it’s time for a deep dive into the universe of genital photography. We asked pornstars, sex workers and our loved ones, so your next visual enuendo could really shine.
POINT 1 - Don’t be a dick
There is nothing worse than a dick pic sent without consent or request. Let’s do the maths. You have:
1% chance of getting a reaction like, “Oh wow, I don’t know who you are but your dick has such a charming personality! Let’s have sex immediately”.
99% probability of getting blacklisted forever. Even if your dick is 12 inch long or REALLY hilarious, these photos are still a sexual action (duh) so they require the same level of awareness.
I believe I’ve never sent a single one of them. However there are some screenshots that prove me wrong.
POINT 2 - So dirty!
I don’t want to sound like your mom but hygiene is essential when it comes to dirty stuff. Bits of hair and dirt can ruin even the greatest pictures so go take a shower ASAP.
Shower’s also a great time to inspect the haircut. Do you really-really-really need that 70’s vibe?
Strangest dick pic? Oh, there was mold on his foreskin. Thanks to it, I can’t eat blue cheese anymore!
Now you need to work with the background. Leave behind the scenes all the weird wallpapers, spare socks lying around and nachos crumbs from your sofa. Let the partner focus on your advantages, not the junk food habits.
All done? Next stop...
POINT 3 - Lighting
Lighting is like sex - you need it, it’s mediocre most of the time and it gets better with experimentation and experience.
I always try to do my nudes with natural sunlight! Electric lighting makes skin look grey-ish.
Agreed, taking a photo next to the window in the morning is probably the easiest way to capture crisp and vibrant images (mind the neighbours). But of course that’s not the only way.
What we recommend is to experiment with multiple light sources. Switch on the flesh… Excuse me, flashlight. Place it nearby.
Open a text-editor fullscreen on your laptop. Now you have a second light source. By the way, changing page color affects the final image color scheme drastically.
Make your dick look like it got the leading role in “Euphoria”. Get creative!
POINT 4 - Life beyond dicks
“Girls have so many options for nudes, but dick is my only asset” - that’s the common way of thinking about your NSFW capabilities.
I like the look of abs and pubis so the photo ends right before the dick starts
Add some mystery. Hide the main hero with your hands, show yourself from behind, grasp it, use shadows and clothing. Sexting is mostly foreplay so play it smooth!
Most girls are really into men’s strong and big hands... I like to see the belly, so I know we can have a beer without lectures about spirituality and fitness.
Unfortunately I need to cut my inspirational speech short, because there is an important thing to consider.
You can divide all the dick pics in two categories: flirty and technical. First type is great to display your excitement during sexting or foreplay. Yup!
But if your partner in crime just needs to understand the size of your excitement, keep it clean and simple. It’s stupid to rely on optical illusions like bottom angle or extremelly trimmed hair - hopefully one day these two will meet in person.
I wish guys could put a box of matches or an iPhone nearby. I need the scale to go further.
POINT 5 - Steal like an artist
You are not the first man alive to take this kind of photos. Internet is your greatest source of inspiration. And just for the delicate snowflakes out there, it’s not gay to look.
Use the search engine of choice, type “male + erotic photography”, look for a reference that fits you and try to replicate it. This way, your dick pics will turn into real wiener art one day.
And that is all for today! Good luck. Have fun. Make us proud.
Yours and only,