Let’s face it, we (generally) have wrong ideas of love. No wonder we have some many “forever alone” people – it’s hard to find something that you can’t recognize. When you are saying “I want love” or seek a genuine relationship, do you understand what that love truly is?
As an online dating service, we often answer our users’ emails and ask for their opinions on romantic experience. Well, one thing is common for almost all of them: people generally don’t know what they want and how to find love. Even those who claim to have a type, usually end up saying that they long for surprises.
The point is, people have their eyes folded when it comes to love. They don’t know what they want and don’t like what they get. Let’s consider the eternal question – how to love.
Understand whether you want a relationship
To understand whether you are in the right place of life for a relationship, answer the following questions.
- 1. Are you ready to sacrifice some of your ambitions and hobbies to spend time with a loved one?
- 2. Are you open to making the first move and pursue your romantic interest?
- 3. Imagine yourself in a year from now – do you see yourself in a serious relationship?
- 4. Do you care about people around you (colleagues, roommates, friends, family members?)
- 5. Are you comfortable with making physical contact with people close to you (hugs, handshakes, casual touching)?
- 6. Are you grateful to others for their help, assistance, emotional support, or do you feel like taking for granted sometimes?
If you answered “No” to at least one of the questions, you still need to look at your attitude towards love and relationships. You need to be ready to open a new chapter of your life, both physically and emotionally.
Know who you are
“I have nothing if I can’t have you” is not the right mentality for a relationship, no matter how touching Whitney Houston makes it sound. The truth is, you have to understand how to love yourself before you proceed to explore the facets of another personality.
Go and fill out the profile on a dating site, even if you are not sure about online dating. Online dating services have essential questions about your expectations from a relationship, personality traits, expectations from a match, your interests, and hobbies. It’s even better to make a test profile that you won’t use for real dating.
When you feel like your future love might read the description, it encourages you to emphasize positive sides and forget about faults and quirks. If you take that pressure off, you’ll write down your real ideas about how you love.
Learn to be happy alone. If you struggle to spend a weekend by yourself, it may be too early to seek a relationship yet. Have a hobby, find what kinds of books you like to read, embrace solo walks. If you enter the relationship without that self-sufficient approach, you risk coming off as clingy later on.
Enjoy the way you look. Don’t ever enter the relationship, hoping to receive validation for your appearance from your loved one.
- – Decrease the amount of makeup.
- – Do regular skincare and ten to your nutrition.
- – Prioritize your comfort and confidence over what’s considered “stylish.”
- – Take more pictures of yourself and never photoshop them.
Don’t seek commitment, look for experiences
A relationship is not a crossed border. You won’t immediately feel accomplished as soon as you found love. A connection is all about moments, taking it one day at a time.
When you start meeting people, focus on having pleasant experiences with them. Don’t evaluate them as potential marriage candidates but focus on those who make you feel comfortable and fun.
How can online dating help?
- – We believe that to find a serious relationship you don’t have to go to commitment-based websites like eHarmony or Match. When people are aware that they look for marriages, it makes fun evaporate.
- – Instead, focus on the platforms that, first and foremost, offer you fun experiences. You’ll see how a person behaves in less tense settings and understand whether you want the relationship to evolve.
- – Keep each date fresh and unique. Investing time in a relationship should never be an obligation. If you don’t look forward to each dating experience, you are in trouble. Pick platforms that encourage their users to experiment.
- – Move to real-life interactions as soon as possible. While keeping the mystery is fun in its own way, it also leads to both sides’ increased expectations.
Distract your thoughts from love and romance
We bet you have already heard a lot of tips on thinking about your partner’s well-being and dedicating your time to develop a relationship. While the core of this advice is true, practically, it turns out into overthinking and obsession. People fall in love with wholesome human beings who are aware of themselves and others.
To cultivate awareness of yourself and relationships, you need to get some perspective. It means enriching your life in other areas besides dating.
- – Pick up old hobbies;
- – Think of ways to be more enthusiastic about your work;
- – Start doing sports or dancing;
- – Join a charity organization.
Say what you mean – don’t say it mean
Being direct in your relationship is a beautiful thing. It’s best to keep your partner informed about your differences, conflicting views, or essential aspirations. If you are lucky, the partner will share his or her differences and opinions. The question is, how to love if you don’t agree with the partner’s outlook on crucial things?
Now, since you are already on the right track to transparency, the temptation to be direct in your negative expressions is high. Most likely, you call that honesty. The thing is, if you think you are brutally honest, you are most likely just being brutal, not honest.
How to voice your opinion without hurting your loved one?
Ask questions. Before you start the confrontation, make sure you understood the point. You can use a technique that a Greek philosopher Socrates practiced in his debates. His method of arguing was asking specific questions that would allow both him and his opponent to understand the point. At the end of the conversation, both sides likely arrived at the same conclusion – and both had their faces saved.
Here’s the example of using Socratic debate in the relationship.
- Your partner: I don’t think I want to have kids.
- You: Why not?
- Your partner: I don’t want to refuse my ambitions and hobbies. I want to live for myself.
- You: I understand. Why do you think kids would necessarily prohibit your self-realization?
- Your partner: Well, I remember how my parents had to continually sacrifice their passions and work hours to spend time with my siblings and me. They were always in a hurry. I don’t want that life.
- You: Were your parents happy with this kind of life?
And so on…
The conversation will be long and take a lot of effort on both sides, but, as you can see, it’s a great way to avoid a painful confrontation. Instead of turning the argument into a Yes/No bickering, you transform the interaction into a meaningful discussion that will get you to the root of the problem.
Say “Yes” to saying “Yes” – and to saying “No”
Keeping personal integrity is not the same thing as being close-minded. To evolve as a person and grow your relationship, you need to try new things and expand your interests. You can start with these fundamental challenges.
How to love more by saying “yes” to new things?
- – Cultivate genuine curiosity towards your partner’s interests.
- – Visit new events, parties, meetings, both alone and with your love partner.
- – Take care of your body and challenge yourself physically. You can make goals for everyday jogging or lose some weight.
- – Try new clothing styles. Being in love means being open to experiments – and these shouldn’t necessarily include another person.
- – Get a new haircut. While hair changes are commonly associated with break-ups and relationship issues, you can reverse the stereotype and begin a new relationship with a new hairstyle.
How to know when to refuse?
While it’s essential to keep your mind open to new experiences, it may be even more valuable to know exactly when to put up some walls – and make sure that the other side is alright with these limitations.
Whenever possible, you should surely strive to accept new experiences. Still, here is a list of things that you should be utterly alright with declining – feel free to add your points, too
- – Uncomfortable common connections. If you don’t bond well with your partner’s friends or family, you don’t have to force yourself into keeping the communication.
- – Accepting harsh criticism. If someone is continually pointing out your flaws, stop treating this behavior as constructive criticism. Most likely, you are dealing with a toxic person who’s under the illusion of ‘remaking a loved one’ into a better version. You don’t have to feed these unhealthy expectations.
- – Religion. It’s your call, and your call only – and no one can criticize you for it (and you shouldn’t either).
- – The criticisms regarding your family or friends. While it’s alright to have your partner declining the obligation of maintaining tight connections with your dear ones, offending them or simply being rude is a red flag. Stop these outbursts as soon as they begin.
Define the expectations
Love is a self-expression of the person who loves which means, for each person, the ideas on the highest meaning of this feeling will be completely different. Don’t expect others to share your outlook on life by default – instead, talk it out. If you feel like having a marriage with several kids is an essential step to your self-realization, you should let your partner know about this mindset as soon as possible.
Thoughts like “What if he/she’ll think I am desperate?” prove that you have not yet achieved a high level of an intimate bond.
How can I love my partner if we see relationships differently?
- – Discuss the expectations for a relationship early on. Is it casual or serious? Do the two of you see the marriage as an end goal? What are your views on work-family balance?
- – Define deal-breakers before the conversation. Shutting your insecurities and pushing priorities under the influence of a loved one is a horrible way to start any relationship. Still, we are prone to want to adapt for the sake of saving the bond. To make sure that you know what you want, establish ground rules before you even start looking for dates.
- – If you have different priorities, you need to look for methods to solve the problem. Try to meet your partner halfways – if he wants to keep things casual for three years and you’d instead start a family in a year, you can both agree on two years. You can even write it down; in fact, it’s best this way.
How can Pure help?
Alright, we might surprise you here for a second, but actually, online dating solves a lot of listed above problematic situations. You see, in the so-called real-life dating, both of the partners are often unaware of each other’s priorities and differences. The meetings are usually random (so much for beloved meet-cute) and leave a lot of crucial variables unknown.
- 1. When you register a profile on a dating platform, you are free to specify what you want from a relationship. Expectations from a date, interests, romantic background – you have answers laid out.
- 2. It makes date organization easier. You don’t have to worry about finding a match nearby – the service will automatically match you with users within your radius.
- 3. Dates become even more unexpected (if that’s what you are going for). Unlike in traditional dating, matches don’t have to be limited to your social circle or work. You can date someone from an entirely different professional field or with conflicting interests.
- 4. Dating feels like a game. You are not obsessing over your love the entire day – the app takes the pressure off. You always see that there are other fish in the sea and meet people with ease.
- 5. All communication is anonymous and self-destroying. The chat disappears in an hour along with the chances of someone reading your flirtatious lines.
Dating apps for serious relationships – video tips
Online dating is a real deal
Agreed, ten years ago, the stigma around online dating could have at least some remote sense. Now, when our lives are so focused on social media and online communication, the idea of meeting a person online is not a surprise.
In fact, for many people, online dating turns out to be a much more flexible option that typical meetings. The thing is, online platforms take special care of picking your matches and assembling a community with the same interests. Today you can find platforms that are tailored to every taste, from typical dates to free transexual dating sites.
We’ll walk you through the main benefits of finding love with online dating, using our very own example – Pure service.
- – A considerable user community who are united by their pursuit. More than 300 000 users here have one goal – to find a soulmate and have the best dates of their lives. What are the odds of running into someone who shares your motivations like that in your daily social circle? We assume they are nowhere near that high.
- – Unique match creation system. Our smart connecting system analyzes the user’s location, preferences, background, interests, and creates the most harmonic matches.
- – You can choose your happy ending. If you are up for casual dates only, the platform will pair you with a person with similar intentions. If you are in it “for real,” the service will pick someone with a desire for commitment. Either way, you never need to explain yourself.
Start your relationship with awareness
Love becomes more comfortable when you spend less time building expectations and more time forging an actual relationship. At Pure, we understand the importance of transparency and mutual connection as early as at the very beginning of a relationship.
That’s why we help our users with finding immediate compatible matches, located nearby, in less than an hour. All profiles go through a strict moderation – no bots or fakes. It’s an open community of 300, 000 daters who are open-minded about their relationships and dating experiments.
If you are a beginner in online dating, it’ll be your crash course (on Pure, you’ll get matches in less than an hour). Experienced users will be interested in the exclusivity of our community (here meeting a business CEO or a celebrity stands real chances) and a combination of transparency and unpredictability. The matches are selected by our algorithms but never go as far as to assume your type fully. There is always room for different types, professional backgrounds, and romantic experiences.
Loving is a skill. Just like other skills, love is best learned by doing. Start searching for a soulmate, meeting people, and open yourself to new mind-blowing experiences. We promise to take care of the technicalities so that you can enjoy the adventures and yourself.
How to love: people you see on Pure are online right now
Our users are making it clear: they want to hookup within one hour.
Unlike most sex websites, we do not have awkward questionnaires. The service works as a local sex app based on your location: the first thing you need to get a match is your registration.
After your sign-up, you will see lots of people in your district with the distance between you shown. To try your fate, you can like, dislike or super like other members to come together.
The last step is a flirty conversation, which starts if your chemistry is mutual.