In the last couple of decades, society has become much more open-minded about everything sex-related. Ten years ago, there would be so much foreplay before you could finally get it on with a guy. Now, sex-with-no-strings is the new black. You can find a hookup buddy, admit to it openly, and own it proudly — no one will judge.
As women, we are the first ones to enjoy the newly-found sexual freedom. The hookup culture is yet far from being widely acceptable — but we’re getting there. There are a lot of apps for hooking up with guys. To make the most out of them and avoid the dangers of the hookup culture, check out this guide on finding the right sex-with-no-strings buddy online.
How is hooking up different for girls
If you’re wondering what does mean to date online, know that dating apps are reeking of guys — not all of them are responsible, decent, and committed. On the one hand, the plethora of potential matches spares us the trouble of having to swipe countless times before finding “the one.” On the other, there are many bullets to dodge — raunchy pickup lines, dick picks, etc.
Being picky is crucial when finding guys online. Since dating apps have huge communities, you have high odds of finding someone who’s good in bed and nice to talk to afterward. By ignoring the douchebags and choosing hookups carefully, you can get an enjoyable experience with a date from an online app.
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Don’t feel ashamed
Casual sex is not an easy step for a woman to take. There will be occasional guilt trips, the feeling of shame, and the desire to hide your search from everyone who knows you in real life.
If you have only been in a committed relationship, casual sex will feel like a downgrade. You will likely have to deal with the societal stigma that portrays you as a slut or a clingy partner for having several hookups over a short time.
As you explore the hookup space, remember that it’s a part of self-search, that will help you get to know yourself better, open up to the world, practice meeting new people, and be confident. If you have a friend who’s been exploring hookup apps too, talk to her about your fears and insecurities — a support system is essential when taking first steps in online dating.
Find the right dating site
Finding the where to find guys to hook up with is a science on its own. For one thing, there are plenty of fishy apps on the market, flooded with fake profiles, and designed only to get you to pay for the premium subscription.
There are free apps like Plenty of Fish — while it’s nice to connect with people charge-free, keep in mind that creepy dudes will be all over the place. Popular hookup platforms like Tinder are another go-to destination for a novice hookup-seeker. The issue with sexting websites online is that you’re likely to find people who’re not looking to go out and will waste your time with dead-end chats.
For safe and enjoyable dating, I’d suggest using niche apps like Pure. Here, you will be able to create a temporary profile that will self-destruct in one hour, removing all traces of your hookup search. The matching algorithm is location-based — you will not spend time talking to someone who’s miles away and can’t go out.
Pure, platform with no bots and fakes
It is really the best hookup website. The algorithm in Pure will delete your account an hour after you start searching for a partner. If you match, you have another hour to talk in the chat — then it will also be automatically deleted. This makes the service inaccessible and uninteresting for bots, fakes, and crooks. Pure users are alive personalities who do not hide their desires and want to find a partner in the next hour.
Take care of your privacy
No matter which dating app you choose, privacy protection is everything. Paying attention to personal data security is especially important on hookup websites and platforms since there might be people who would want to steal your data, use it for blackmail, or sell it on the dark web.
First things first, find a dating app that takes privacy seriously — encrypts messages, stores no user data, has no record of data breaches. For the ultimate security, look for a platform that allows users to stay fully anonymous and doesn’t require any identifiable data.
Withhold from mentioning your location in the bio — if a platform is location-match, it will show the profile to people in your area as-is. Don’t share personal data or financial information when texting a hookup partner — this way, you will save yourself from blackmail.
The bio is important
Bio is your chance to make the right first impression — that’s why it’s crucial to get it right. When done properly, a dating app bio increases the odds of connecting with matches successfully. If a miss, your bio might attract creepy guys.
The first rule of a successful dating bio is to keep it short. Going on about themselves makes people seem either arrogant or desperate. Briefly describe yourself and your relationship expectations in a simple way. Be sure not to leave the bio empty — guys will not be intrigued or interested in you.
Overselling is a no-go
You don’t trust the guys who promise to make you see the stars and boast their “size.” If anything, a guy who’s bragging about his sex drive, a six-figure job, or a six-pack on the dating app is quite a turn-off.
Girls do this as well if a little more subtly. Exaggerating your sexual experience and trying to fake confidence are all a no-go. The same goes for photoshopping your profile picture, faking intelligence, and other common dating-app sins.
“Fake it till you make it” can only get you this far when looking for hookups. A false misrepresentation of yourself will ruin your confidence and take the joy and freedom of casual sex away since you’ll have to play someone you’re not all the time.
Bet on a profile picture
When a guy is about to approach a girl, everything could be a conversation starter — including the profile picture. Keep in mind that your cover photo will tell a lot about you and can help filter the type of guys that approach you.
Keep it sexy, but not slutty. Otherwise, you’re in for messages like “you suck?” and other raunchy pickup lines. To avoid such, keep the focus on your face instead of anything down below.
Including a glimpse of your personality into the picture — showcasing a hobby, a favorite view, and so on is a good way to help guys connect with you since they can get to know you better when swiping.
Your first text
Girls are popular on dating apps. Even if you wouldn’t call yourself pretty, be ready to get an astonishing number of Tinder texts. While it helps raise self-esteem, flooding in pickup lines and messages is overwhelming and requires getting used to rejection.
Most pickup lines guys will send you will be generic. That’s why you’ll have to think on what to right back to make the conversation flow. A good way to do this is by keeping the chat to-the-point. Avoid small talk – he’s not interested in it either. Instead, ask a guy why he joined a dating app and what he’s looking for.
Be proactive and unafraid to make the first step. If a guy is freaked out by confidence and badassery — it’s better to part ways from the get-go.
“Online dating is a full-time job” — a saying goes in the dating community. After surfing the platforms for a while, you will burn out, get tired from rejecting annoying dudes, and discouraged by the amount of time and effort finding a true match takes.
Be sure to persevere. It takes a while to learn how to tell a douchebag apart from a nice guy, know the ways of the app you are using, and learn to break the ice with a prospective match.
Update your profile regularly. Dedicate around 30 minutes per day to swiping. If you can’t answer texts as soon as they come, set aside an hour or so to respond to guys. This way, you will be able to gain some traction on the platform, get more matches, and increase the odds of hooking up successfully.
Establish the dealbreakers and boundaries
Before you set foot on a dating platform, adjust your frame of mind. While you should be open-minded and willing to consider hooking up with someone who’s not 100% your type, decide if there are any dealbreakers you will not tolerate.
Having a predefined notion of a guy, you would not want to hook up with even if hell broke loose makes selecting matches much easier. Be clear on your needs and the type of the relationship you’re considering — is this just sex with no strings, or would you want to take it further if he doesn’t mind?
When chatting to matches, be outspoken and state expectations clearly. If he doesn’t fill the bill, you’ll save each other time and effort by not hooking up
The problems with setting the bar
If your expectations are sky-high and you’re not willing to compromise, you’ll be disappointed by nearly every match you’ll meet online and struggle to find guys to hook up with. After all, we are all human – you’re not 100% everybody’s cup of tea either.
Setting the bar too high leads to putting pressure on the guy, makes him feel uncomfortable, and will inevitably result in tension during a date. Also, keep in mind that your expectations are not necessarily the only right way to hook up. Leave a guy some room for spontaneity and surprises, meaning allowing him to have the upper hand every once in a while.
The issue of setting the bar too low
On the other hand, you don’t want the guy to be dragging you down. Even if it’s just a hookup, connecting with someone below your league is rarely a satisfying experience. You want to be able to express freely without having to dumb yourself down. The same notion applies to sexual experiences.
If you’re experienced, hooking up with a first-timer will be boring and is likely to make you feel old. Before arranging a hookup date, clarify your desires and expectations for the night to ensure the guy knows what to prepare for. By speaking up about your preferences, you’re more likely to spend the night with a person who’s on the same page with you romantically.
Online dating is challenging as it is — there’s no need to make it harder by creating a fake persona for yourself. The issue with girls looking for guys is assuming you know what type of women people usually like. Guess what — you probably don’t.
For most guys you meet on dating app, a good profile picture is enough to make him want a hookup. That’s why you can take the pressure off and act your usual way. This way, you’ll avoid disappointment and false expectations. When you meet up with a guy, you will not have to think about how to act and will be able to live in the moment, enjoying mindblowing sex.
Discuss protection beforehand
You might think that talking bout protection beforehand will make you come across as extra-cautious or kill the buzz. However, there are hundreds of guys on dating apps and only one of you.
You might not believe it, many people are into a protection-free hookup. If ensuring your safety is important to you, be sure the partner is on the same page and learn how to ask to use protection during sex.
Insist on using protection no matter what he says
A guy might try to bail his way out of wearing a condom. You might here textbook excuses like “I test often” or “I’ve done this before.” However, remember that a guy does not necessarily mean what he says — even so, it takes a while for diseases to be reflected on medical tests.
If a guy ghosted you after you insisted on protection — it means you have dodged a potentially dangerous bullet. Insisting on protection is your way to ensure you will not walk off with STDs or other sexually-transmittable illnesses.
Take your time
Although hooking up is supposed to be about cutting the foreplay off, it doesn’t mean you should get to the chase right away.
There are lots of relevant details about the partner you should find out about before the intercourse — how much sexual experience he had, what is his previous history, will he be comfortable with not reaching out to each other after a relationship or he wants to stay in touch.
Your safety is everything
Although you shouldn’t close off and be too worried about a potential partner harassing you or causing you harm, be sure to take a couple of security measures to be safe when meeting with a guy from a dating app.
You can consider taking a friend along to your meeting spot in case something goes wrong. Make sure your phone is fully charged, and you can call someone to help you out just in case. Schedule meetings in a familiar area to be comfortable and safe.
Hookup with a guy: video tips
Have personal protection at a hand’s reach
Although everyone hopes not to have to use any protection items, having a pepper spray or a stun gun around will make you feel safer, more confident, and better protected. Make sure you know how to use protection tools well and fast enough so that you don’t end up hurting yourself in the process.
If you are hot, take advantage
This is not fair, but it is true that men prefer fitter and hotter girls and would try harder to please them on a date. If you are physically attractive, you have the upper hand. Use this advantage to choose the spot where to hook up with a guy, set the pace, and be in charge of the way you spend time together.
If you’re hot, don’t hold back and speak up if you don’t like the way things are going. Chances are, the guy will listen and adjust his behavior — even if the night got off on the wrong foot, it might still turn into an enjoyable experience at the end of the day.
Keep a cold head
If you are a first-timer in casual sex, you will likely find it difficult not to think long-term anytime you meet a guy. As you get to know him, you might find yourself getting interested and attached.
Keep in mind that a hookup partner might not be looking for a committed relationship and is chatting with you only to get past the awkwardness. A rule number-one for an enjoyable hookup is to not care about the person you’re doing it with. You’re here for an experience — not to fall in love, connect, or build relationships.
You might find yourself wondering if you want to see a person around more after sex — this is normal. The hormonal release that happens during intercourse is to blame here. After a while, the emotions will subside, and you’ll return to normal — all it takes is to wait for the bliss out.
Your partner should drive you crazy in every way
If “opposites attract” is not the world’s best mentality or starting a long-term relationship, it works perfectly in the hookup realm. For the most mindblowing sex, you want someone whom you can barely stand in real life. All the anger and irritation you experience when talking to a guy will pay off on a wild night.
Another benefit of finding a guy you are not comfortable with in daily life the inability to fall in love with him and vice versa. There will be no attachment other than purely physical attraction.
Be sure he treats you well
Even if a guy doesn’t like you, it gives him no permission to be a jerk. Make sure you respect each other enough to answer texts on time, show up to meetings without being late, and not being rude to each other.
If that’s not the case, the relationship might become toxic over time, resulting in a toll of your self-esteem and the accumulation of self-deprecation and frustration.
Be open-minded in bed
In a long-term relationship, it’s hard to keep the spark alive during sex. Eventually, you and your partner know each other too well to be surprised anymore. That’s one of the perks of hooking up with a stranger — discovering a plethora of ways to get laid you never tried before.
To get the most out of a hookup, don’t be afraid to speak up about your hidden sexual desires even if they seem slightly perverted on the surface. Having said that, while an agenda is important, let the guy surprise you and reveal his skills in bed. If you let a hookup partner take the lead every once in a while, you’ll get more mindblowing and 100% new sexual experiences.
Don’t overdo drinking
Being uptight can ruin the entire night — having a drink is a good way to release the pressure and loosen up. Both you and your partner would want to be as chill and relaxed as possible to express yourselves freely in bed.
Be careful when drinking. Otherwise, the hookup will turn into a disaster, with you being exhausted much earlier than needed and remembering the experience only faintly the next day.
Life is not only about getting laid
Don’t pressure yourself into thinking that not getting laid is a failure. Having sex shouldn’t be a goal to you as much as an enjoyable experience. Try to dig the process of looking for a hookup the same way as hooking up. This way, you will not be stressing out if people are not replying, ar ghosting you, or don’t want to date.
Another thing to remember is that learning how to find a guy to hook up with takes time. You will not have perfect chemistry with the first stranger online — and that’s normal. As long as you don’t’ give up, you will get rewarding sex with no strings one day.
Hooking up is new — it should be exciting as well. Take advantage of all the perks this experience offers — being yourself, having nothing to worry about, meeting people who are on the same page relationship-wise, and not having to commit for the long haul.
Flirting, sexting, and exploring your sexuality is fun, so be sure to enjoy every moment of it
Remember that being casual is a choice, not an obligation. If, at a point of time, you feel like having no-strings sex is no longer enough, feel free to move on and start looking for a committed, long-term, solid, and healthy relationship.
You can even try and start a long-term relationship with your current hookup buddy — who knows, maybe he’s into you as well? After all, it doesn’t hurt to try and take things to the next level.
How to hook up with guys when you are a teenager
If you’re still in your teens, it might be overwhelming even to consider a hookup experience. Looking for a hookup partner might feel over-the-top and awkward — however, there isn’t anything wrong about it as long as you are sensible and prioritize your safety.
To get a better understanding of how to approach a guy for a hookup, follow this short guide.
Step 1. Making a move
Don’t sweat it. Approaching a guy is not a big deal — however, you should give some thought as to where you would want to meet. Starting casually and moving someplace more romantic for the hookup itself is a way to go.
For one, you can invite him over to a local coffee shop, get to know him better, then move the night to your or his apartment or a hotel room.
Step 2. Breaking the ice
Kick the night off with occasional touching and physical contact before you hit the bases. Don’t expect the guy to have to upper hand — he might be just as nervous, clueless, and confused as you are.
Take it slow — move close to each other, touch each other’s hands, then move to more intimate areas — chest and shoulders. By this time, a guy should read the innuendo rather well, and you’ll know for sure if he minds a hookup.
Step 3. Getting the heat on
You don’t have to go all the way down. You might want to kick things off with oral sex before you get to the “real” one. Remember that you should only go for it if both of you are sure — if not, you would be in for regrets and disappointment the morning after.
Remember, there’s no rush when it comes to sex. It doesn’t matter when you do it as long as you do it right, safely, with a pleasant aftertaste to follow.
Yes, as long as he’s not a part of your social circle or a friend — otherwise, you will risk losing a connection, important to you. All in all, don’t overthink it and go ahead to explore your sexuality with a hookup buddy.
A rule of thumb is you shouldn’t text a guy after a hookup. We’re all human, and both want to know if a partner had a good time. If both of you enjoyed the hookup, you would be happy to know h texted and vice versa. If not, who the hell cares?
Find out if you have things in common, start making plans for the future, connect with him on social media, and drop hints that you are not romantically involved. If you came on too strong, pull back for a couple of weeks to see if a guy misses you or is worried for you — both are good signs.
Watching a guy’s body language will give a number of telling signs as to whether he likes you. Avoiding eye contact, nervousness, raising his voice whenever you are in the room — all of these are the red flags of attraction.