ONLINE DATING

The top 9 BDSM Dating Sites: BDSM, fetish, and kink dating sites & apps in 2020

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Online dating comes in all shapes and forms, giving users a chance to have fun with all kinds of sexual kinks. It’s only natural that online hookup platforms put a new spin on BDSM meetings, too becoming a new version of fetish dating sites and even more of BDSM dating apps. People find a partner for kinky sex without leaving their apartments, discuss fetishes and embark on sexual adventures.

In fact, fetish dating sites are now becoming more and more popular and even regular online dating apps are turning into fetish dating due to the huge amount of people who are interested in trying new things in sex.

I always say that experimenting is the main key everywhere, and especially in sex. BDSM dating has become such a popular topic for any regular relationship after the world got to know that bestseller book 50 shades of Grey. Let’s tell the truth out loud and face it: the book or even all three of them sold to us a very cheap and super unrealistic idea of BDSM relationships. BDSM was popular even before that.

Despite it, people started to be more curious about fetish dating sites and, what’s even more important, they wanted to explore more. How would you know what you like or don’t like if you have never tried it, huh? Expressing sexuality and being kinky is beautiful regardless of your gender, sexual orientation or any other preferences you might have.

I reviewed all the best BDSM dating services after trying them out, and it’s time to share my unique take. My goal was to collect websites that are the most affordable and versatile and offer a big userbase. And, of course, all of those kink dating sites should be all about finding kinky people who are open-minded and won’t judge each other. Now let’s jump right into it.

Alt.com

Alt.com is one of the biggest BDSM dating sites where users look for casual encounters or seek a long-term sex partner. It is also probably the oldest BDSM dating site. The matching algorithms are based on kinks’ similarity — the website’s main objective is to pair people with the same perversions.

As many BDSM sites, this one has a particular specialization. According to experienced users, it’s one of the best destinations for erotic bondage dates and mistress searches. The communication methods include group chatrooms and direct webcam messaging. You can conduct the meetings purely online, or go out in real life, too.

The website has a free version, but it’s quite limited. You can only take a glance at the feed, register an account, and visit several profiles.

To message users, you need to acquire the Silver premium version. For additional features — such as fetish shop — you have to purchase the Gold upgrade. Additionally, the platform offers erotic stories, movies, TV shows, magazines — all kinds of BDSM-related content. It’s not just a dating website, but also a community of like-minded people.

Editor's pick for May, 2020

Pure

Complete anonymity
1367 users online now

Ashley Madison

Discreet dating
855 users online now

Pure

Pure is a relatively new dating platform for casual dating and BDSM exploration. Although the service doesn’t position itself as a BDSM-platform, only, it’s better — you can interest some newcomers and date with inexperienced partners — which has its charm. The website stands fair competition with the best BDSM dating sites, but it’s not limited to only these kinds of dates.

I am:

Looking for:

My email:

Also, if one day you decide to take your relationship to the next level, Pure is the right destination — you aren’t limited to one-time dates. Here, serious relationships are just as welcomed as a one-time BDSM hookup.

Experienced BDSM-daters talk about their kinks in personal descriptions and describe their expectations from a potential partner. The website is open-minded — users have a live-and-let-live attitude to all kinds of sexual experiences that brings it to the top as a BDSM dating app for everyone, regardless of their level or experience.

Compared to market alternatives, the website is quite affordable — users can buy a weekly plan for $14.99. Long-term subscriptions include $29.99 for a monthly subscription, 3-month subscription for $19.66/m, and 6-month subscription for $6.30/m.

Yumi

Yumi was one of the first Tinder’s alternatives for free adult dating services. It was one of the pioneering fetish dating site that welcomes everyone. The app’s functionality, interface, and matching algorithms re very similar to the ones offered by Tinder. Just like there, you get a short preview on each user and possibility to swipe them left or right.

However, unlike many other totally free dating apps, Yumi took a step further and decided to specialize in BDSM-dating, too, quickly becoming one of the best-known DSM dating communities.

The application welcomes adventurous singles and couples who are looking for one-on-one dates and threesomes. The app is anonymous, and it doesn’t emphasize long-term relationships. If you want to find a committed sex partner, it’s better to use a more universal solution, like Pure.

My main problem with Yumi is its superficial approach to profiles and registration. You don’t know much about the people whom you are dating. However, if Tinder t least has some reputation, Yumi is much less known, and it’s easier to meet a potentially dangerous person — also because the dating scope is quite sensitive. I prefer to get more details on my sexual matches before I swipe right.

A monthly membership costs $19.00/m, but it‘s a simple upgrade. Users can access to messaging feature, and they can see who visited their profiles in real-time. The app doesn’t provide access to additional BDSM content, and there are no deep matching algorithms. Users are sorted by their location, age, sexual preferences, and orientation.

Fetlife

Unlike other websites on the list that specialize mostly on casual dating as a whole. Fetlife is a community for dedicated BDSM daters. If you want to only stick to BDSM in your sexual experiences, this might be the right destination for you. Although the priority is BDSM, you still can look at it as a fetish dating app, only with a straightforward goal.

Here, the kink community is known to be one of the most experienced ones — after all, the website does position itself as a BDSM social network, and it’s only natural that it attracts active kink daters.

The network provides users not just with basic matching and messaging features, but also allows viewing loads of sexual content. The large part of all published updates can be accessed for free — but to get to all the best files, I had to get a paid version. Still, it’s nice if you want to get a glance on the website — though it’s far from being a fulfilling experience.

My favorite aspect of Fetlife is its big user pool. With 7 million registered users, Fetlife can rightfully be defined the BDSM-Facebook. The website doesn’t focus much on account verification — I managed to spot fake profiles almost immediately and a couple of them even sent me basic messages. This, of course, made me question just how legit these user statistics are, but it’s also true that I saw a lot of legit users in my area. So, the website must be quite popular among BDSM-daters, after all.

If you always wanted to get to know the BDSM community better, not just to find a single date, it’s a good place to start. You can even create your fanbase and gather a community. However, the website feels outdated from time to time, but it makes up for lacking interface with elaborate functionality.

BDSM.com

Another big BDSM-dating network dedicated entirely to masochism, sadism, and cuffs, bondage, and other kinds of kinky sexual experiences. It’s a community where people value the versatility of their sexual life and like to experiment.

BDSM dating for singles

To register an account on BDSM.com, you need to let other users know your username, age, fetishes, favorite activities, and relationship expectations. The website supports both online and offline dating — you can communicate with partners via a webcam or meet them in real-life.

BDSM.com is open to couples and singles of all orientations. Here, users can find a one-time hookup or look for a long-term relationship. You can choose these preferences in the registration form — so other users know what to expect.

The matching algorithms are based on users’ locations, ages, and sexual compatibility. The platform analyzes your profile’s contents and finds users with similar desires and fetishes. However, you can also push your own initiative and search for matches independently by browsing the Feed and applying filters.

The fire version of BDSM com is quite limited — you can only search for matches and register your own profile. However, to message a potential partner or access group chats, you need to acquire a premium version. A monthly subscription costs $16.13/m, but it doesn’t provide access to add-ons, only essential features.

Fetish.com

Fetish.com is one of the biggest fetish dating sites — the community welcomes fetishists of different kinds and is open to some weird stuff. On its feed, you can see people with the strangest sexual tastes — which is why the platform might feel too quirky to BDSM beginners.

This service provides online BDSM dating chatrooms and groups where people discuss their sexual fantasies, share perversions, talk about fantasies, or get straight into the action. You can meet people one-on-one by sending a direct message or join group chats and get more than one partner simultaneously. The website also aggregates news on BDSM events in local communities — you can take a look at the calendar of your city and find a nice meetup nearby.

My favorite additional feature of the websites is its public playroom. They are designed pretty much like a regular webchat; only there isn’t much talking done. People who are serious about getting online fetish sex join the room and get into their thing. It’s a refreshing idea — I like the possibility of meeting my potential date online before scheduling a real-life meetup.

Additional features of BDSM com include detailed fetish search, BDSM library where people can read or write their own erotic stories, matching algorithms for kinksters, and a built-in messenger. To access all these features, users have to acquire a paid subscription.

The community is open to daters from different countries, to people of various genders and orientations: not many free BDSM dating can offer that. Couples and single people can register on the platform. I was asked to specify these details during my registration.

Whiplr

This is another BDSM meet website where daters find their sexual matches based on location. It is considered to be one of the top-notch free BDSM dating sites. Whilpr collects people with different favorite fetishes and perversions and encourages people to explore new kinds of pleasure.

In my experience, Whilpr is one of the most diverse BDSM communities out there. It’s open to master-slave sex, as well as subs, doms, and chuck holders. The website has dedicated communities for gay BDSM dating, bisexuals, transgenders. Both newbies and experienced daters will find something interesting here.

If you are new to this dating community, you can even get lessons from professional BDSM instructors. You can also meet models, artists, sex experts, and long-time doms. It’s a nice place to get accustomed to BDSM and get a clear idea of what kinds of perversions might be your cup of tea, and which ones are not up your street.

Whilpr is a community for dedicated BDSM-community members, for whom such dating is not a hobby but a priority. If you don’t feel like willing to commit to such long-term engagements, it’s better to start with something more casual. On Whilpr, members expect daters to be into it, and may get disappointed if that’s not the case.

KinkD

KinkD is a new BDSM dating website that is more used as a mobile application for kinky singles and couples all over the world. The community is the most active in the United States, but it also has quite a big audience in the UK and Canada. The platform offers location-based dating — users can locate fetishes and contact them right away.

The most popular fetishes on the platform include DDLG, Dom, latex, and leather, but it’s not nearly the entire list of available communities. To get a clearer idea of what to expect from the platform, you get to visit users’ blogs and read more about their experiences.

The most popular fetishes on the platform include DDLG, Dom, latex, and leather, but it’s not nearly the entire list of available communities. To get a clearer idea of what’s to expect from the platform, you get to visit users’ blogs and read more about their experiences.

KNKI

KINKI is a causal dating BDSM site that leaves place for actual relationships and allows users to get to know each other on a deeper personal level, not just sexually, unlike on other kink websites. The community is open to one-time encounters and long-term partnerships, so you get a variety of open opportunities.

The main competitive advantage of KINKI compared to other platforms is that it’s one of the free BDSM dating sites. The website allows users to find matches, chat, participate in group discussions, and publish their sexual experiences for free.

The accounts are verified via an email address — it’s better than no protection, but it doesn’t work to perfection. It’s only natural that a free website will attract a lot of shady users, so I had to be very picky when choosing my matches. Reminds me a lot of that type of a cheesy free BDSM dating site that promises an impossible number of matches per minute.

KINKI focuses on all typical and several unique aspects of BDSM experiences. You can look for sadism, masochism, bondage, doms… all kinds of popular fetishes, or introduce a potential partner to a rare fetish. KINKI’s user pool is really open-minded: my dates were ready to go along with anything, to the point where I’d wish that I myself would show some initiative. Still, it’s nice to be able to express myself and not have to explain my tastes.

People you see on Pure are online right now

Our users are making it clear: they want to hookup within one hour.

Unlike most free hookup apps, we do not have awkward questionnaires. The service works as a local sex app based on your location: the first thing you need to get a match is your registration.

After your sign-up, you will see lots of people in your district with the distance between you shown. To try your fate, you can like, dislike or super like other members to come together.

The last step is a flirty conversation, which starts if your chemistry is mutual.

BDSM online dating tips

Every aspect of life has its DOs and DONTs. Dating is on the top of the list and especially when we are going for kinky stuff, we should have a few of those on our mind.

DOs

  • Be respectful. Just because you are into something kinky and extraordinary and you are using the kink dating app, it doesn’t mean that everyone is there with the same fantasies as you are. The opposite works too.
  • Be clear about your privacy and real-life situation. For instance, if you have a family but looking for a submissive partner on the side, you should be honest about it. Otherwise, you might mislead your potential partner.
  • Be honest. That is the key to any relationship but especially for the kinky ones. The relationship is based on total trust.
  • Communicate. Without any type of communication, any kinky or BDSM relationship is doomed to fail even before it starts and pleases anyone. The more you talk, the better sessions would be.
  • Stay yourself. You don’t have to follow any rules. You can adjust your own style, or keep it just as it is, and still find the partner to experiment with.

DONTs

  • Don’t overreact if you get rejected. Not everyone is the same, so you should respect that.
  • No need to start the conversation with a close-up cock pic. Being straightforward is good but not that right away. Keep that in your pants for a while.
  • Don’t hold back things you are willing to do and try it. Don’t forget to mentions where your limits end. No matter what role you are going to have in any type of kinky or BDSM relationships, you should always speak up about things that you are not ready to go through with. It has nothing to do with being bad. Both sides should have pleasure out of it in the end.
  • Do not hurt your partner if they didn’t ask for it or they did but changed their mind somewhere in the middle. You should always keep in mind that kinky playful time can get out of hand and you might scary a person. You need to take care of your partner and make sure that they are doing okay; not only physically but emotionally as well.
  • Simply don’t be an asshole.

FAQ

What is Kinkoo?

Kinkoo is a new BDSM dating community that still grows its user pool and gets a reputation. It’s one of the most open-minded BDSM communities I’ve ever dated on. Some believe that the app is the best service for kinksters, although, to my taste, it looks like the platform still has a long way to go.

What is the FetLife app?

It’s an anonymous BDSM-dating app where users meet partners nearby. The service supports both long-term and casual relationships. The essential functionality includes messenger, group chats, communities, and swiping feed.

What is KinkD app?

The app was created as a FetLife alternative which is why it offers similar functionality and matching algorithms. The only crucial difference between FeltLife and KinkD is that the latter works faster and is more popular among young users, whereas FetLife attracts older members and is more relatable as a trusted platform within BDSM dating websites.

What is FET site?

FET site is one of the oldest BDSM dating communities that allow people to look for fetish sex daters nearby.

Final thoughts

There is no shortage of nice BDSM communities out there. They are open to professionals and beginners and support people of all ages and orientations. This is what makes those websites the best BDSM dating sites around.

BDSM-communities might be the most friendly ones, compared to all that I’ve dated in. However, it’s important to understand your level of involvement with BDSM sex. A lot of people aren’t just enthusiasts, they are pros, for whom BDSM pretty much equals a lifestyle.

On the other hand, fetish dating apps can offer you very much similar experience but you would be able to meet more people who are also new to this lifestyle and are still looking for their fetish sides and preferences. Another question is the involvement of the LGBTQ+ community into the platform options. For instance, far not all websites are gay BDSM dating oriented. In my opinion, kink dating sites should offer a lot of options for as many sexualities as possible. And then, that would put a regular fetish dating website on the pedestal of being the best BDSM dating site. 

Although I like to meddle in BDSM, I could not say that it’s my priority, or that I would like to have a partner who lives and breathes BDSM. This is perhaps the reason why I feel more comfortable on less dedicated platforms, like Pure, where you don’t have to be the best BDSM experts to keep people interested. Pure provides me with that assurance by its style and the general operation. I know that I won’t get disrespected like on any other typical free fetish dating sites. In contrast, I would be respected by its users despite the fact that I love being submissive and disrespected in the bedroom.

Still, it’s worth noting that there is another kind of the beauty of dating someone who’s actively immersed in the community — you will quickly get educated on the rules of the game and pick up your practices for the best ones.

So, before choosing the service that works for you, think about what you can offer to potential partners. Some platforms allow only casual dating, while others also encourage long-term relationships. Choose which combination works best for you — and that’s how you’ll find your favorite BDSM community.

How to find a BDSM/Kink partner – video tips

James Miller
Born in Los Angeles, graduated from a college as a journalist, and spent several years as a freelancer writing about cultural events. From 2017, James writes about love and relationships and explores dating services.

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    3 Comments

    1. These are for real the best BDSM dating sites I’ve tried. Well, I haven’t tried all from the list but I did try FetLife and Pure. Those are fire.

    2. I was looking for a submissive partner and as a woman, it is not very easy! as regular platforms are usually full with dominant men looking for females. Pure was a real deal as a BDSM dating app. All I did was uploaded a screenshot of what I want and got a few replies within a day or two.

    3. Fetish dating is clearly not for everyone and I like that using a few of these apps I did enjoy like-minded people who finally don’t think I am some kind of a freak. Awesome article btw.

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