You heard that right. There is Amazon dating now. Honestly, the first reaction was my facepalm. How is that going to work? Are they going to rate people? Sell potential dates?
I’ve decided to test it to see what’s going on out there and how the entire thing works.
How to get an account at Amazon dating
There is no sign on the actual Amazon.com regarding Amazon dating, so I googled it. It seems sketchy already. Once you get to the Amazon dating, you need to apply to become a member of the so-called community.
All you need to put your first name, your email, Instagram account name. That will take 2 minutes.
Afterwards, you would need to think through a short description of yourself — three sentences are more than enough or nothing at all. The choice is yours.
Attach your one photo, and you are good to go to whatever this is. Press submit, and I’ve waited to have no idea what. Guess a verification email would be nice. Instead, you have to wait for, let’s say, nothing.
24 hours later, when you don’t receive anything in return, it makes you feel like you are not a good fit for Amazon dating app. So I kept wandering around the website to find out how it works.
Purchasing deal aka the main page with potential dates
While I was waiting for my verification, I kept looking around. I got to the main page again. I saw 10 people who were out there “on sale.”
First thought, WTF?! Are you for real having those people on sale? This is so weird. Extra weird. But hey, I’m here to test this thing. Let’s see what’s going to happen if I “purchase” any of those cute girls or guys.
I picked Tony, who is 40 years old, who doesn’t look forty, which makes my mind and me suspicious about him and his “price” of $9.98. Too cheap to be a good quality.
Now let’s have a closer look here. Tony is apparently in stock and very available. Wonder if I choose to have 2 or 5 Tony prototypes, what’s that going to be. Beginning to remind me Black Mirror episode that went wrong. Add to cart and buy Tony, start checking my phone to see if I’m present in the right century.
Works exactly like purchasing a hairdryer or the clothing items. Although, this time, you don’t have to pay. So buy them people, but you don’t Pay pay for them. What is going on?
Like any other nice service, AmazonDating thanks me for my “order” and obligates to “deliver” Tony who is 40 years old to my address by 7 pm tonight. Now that’s what I call a fast delivery. It’s 7:30, and guess what, my Tony guy was not buzzing on my door. Huge disappointment. Maybe the order got lost or escaped on the way.
Instead of giving up, I break all my inner and moral principles and try to “purchase” a few more people
Purchasing a woman was not easy. Seriously? What is wrong with this world, Elise. The same thing happened with Devan, who does look 30.
Once placing the order, the system didn’t allow me to choose any other time for the delivery but 9 pm. Very thoughtful since at 7 pm I had to welcome Tony, around 8 pm I had Elise on the schedule and only 9 pm window were left open for Devan. Can’t believe this all is happening on the #BalckHistoryMonth. I hope Devan is aware of this game that is taking place.
Besides, all of those people have reviews. A feature that Tinder didn’t think throughout enough. Here we can see whether ladies or gentlemen were happy and satisfied with their purchase. Can this get any weirder?
Menu bar features
Before leaving this fascinating dating app, I couldn’t help but notice the menu bar on the top and the same that you have once you click on those three horizontal stripes in the left corner next to AmazonDating name.
Here I found more features to explore and, of course, I pressed all of those to figure out what’s behind it. I already knew what Sign Up is and what that will include. Contact button leads you to the email address for you to write an entire email if you would like to. But let’s start with the top.
Deal of the day
No jokes, Cookie Monster is the deal of the day, and I have no doubts this is the best deal. Just look through the description — will give you cookies. I mean, count me in! I’m there, I’m committed, and I’m ready for this kind of serious relationship even if that would be till the cookies will end.
This one will transfer you to the chatroulette.com. If you don’t know what that I’ll explain. Chat roulette connects you with different people to randomly chat. Those could be humans from all over the world.
As you can see, I was not excited to see any strangers online, rather than Tony, Elise, and Devan. They are different, and I felt a deep connection from the first online sign. So make sure you secure your laptop or desktop privacy before trying this on your own.
Your Last Relationship
So far the best feature, that redirects you to YouTube, where Britney Spears is steady and ready to mind you why you broke up with your ex. Bet Toxic video is so much trending right now. I couldn’t resist myself and took those 3 minutes off to enjoy the 2000s’ call back.
Don’t See What You’re Looking For?
No wonder this button directs you to Netflix. If you can’t find what you are looking for here — Netflix and chill. Leave the rest to the world. Guess they still have those free trials for a week or a month.
Another redirection to the WikiHow will teach you a thing or two. For instance, I got to learn how to unhook a bra. Very helpful, even though I knew how to do it since I was 12 years old. Although I do appreciate the joke.
The time has come to reveal the truth. The entire AmazonDating is a joke. A few content creators together with Thinko company created Amazon Dating as a satire joke to reflect on the dating applications nowadays. The point was to show how it is easy to purchase your dream, which most likely is not even real.
Is this joke funny enough or not — you decide. The truth is revealed, and now we can breathe out and go back to our regular dating apps that are already installed on our phones with the 2-3 kilometres radius.
In case you have some questions left, the FAQ page will break it down, and, especially, explain why those guys did it in the first place.
Guess need to stop waiting for Tony, Elise, and Devan to arrive.
The joke is thought through, which I appreciate, so in the Legal part, you will find NGA aka Non-Ghosting Agreement. I would be careful with signing it, but some dating apps might consider this agreement and sell it for a double price with VIP Golden Premium Subscriptions.
Pure: find your real hookup adventure in one hour
Pure users are looking for adventures. They value anonymity, straightforwardness, and intimacy with no obligations.
The application works quickly and simply — no long registrations or endless questionnaires, no social media links or photo albums. The algorithm uses end-to-end encryption and deletes profiles and chats in an hour after they start.
Upload your favourite selfie, find the person who turns you on and start texting. You have one hour to arrange an adventure together.
The bottom line
The rush for the information was real, and my inner controlling freak is happy that this whole thing is just a joke. Might be a good prank on friends while it’s still out there.