Dating is not that easy for most of us. Especially if you’re an introvert, a shy person, or just not used to putting yourself out there. Introverted people need to have large amounts of alone time to feel good, while dating usually takes quite a lot of time and effort if you’re looking for a meaningful connection.
However, don’t be so fast to blame your introversion for the reason you’re not getting dates. Introverts are a group that makes up approximately about 25% of the human population. They are people who feel the most comfortable in low stimulation environments. Being an introvert doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re also shy. Shyness is rooted in social anxiety and goes hand in hand with fear. At the same time, introversion is a genetically inherent part of your character and just means that your brain is wired up a bit differently.
Watch a YouTube personality Alex Orlando further explain the difference between extraverts and introverts:
Introverts make amazing relationship partners. Yes, they are a bit socially awkward, but they are great listeners, excellent problem solvers, they’re able to connect to you on a deeper level and will never stop to surprise you, as there’ll always be something new to learn about them. These are just a few awesome qualities that come with dating an introvert.
Watch this fun sketch by Youtuber Frank James about dating an introvert:
Obviously, the world can’t be divided into introverts vs extroverts. This would be too simple. Most of us are somewhere on the spectrum. And if you’re on the introverted end of the spectrum, you may have a few specific issues when it comes to dating.
Here are ten tips that might help introverts have a great time on their dates and possibly even find that special someone.
Be yourself and learn to love your introversion
Unfortunately, there are many people who are ashamed to be an introvert. They think that it’s a curse for someone who wants to dive into the dating world. But they’re wrong! Appreciate the fact that as an introvert, you’re probably more observant, a better listener, more sensitive, etc. There’s a lot to love about you, so please just don’t waste any time falling into a pit of self-doubt. Introverts rock! And they’re just as desirable as extraverts can be. Listen to yourself and communicate your boundaries. Don’t try to fit yourself into some expectation that you think is placed upon you in the dating world.
Here is a clip of Coach Greg Adams sharing his thoughts on introvert men dating women:
Create a comfortable social schedule for yourself
Create a schedule of social events you’d be interested in going to and practicing your social skills. You don’t have to participate in too many events, but having a specific schedule will help you keep a healthy balance.
It’s always a great idea to find other introverts who want to challenge themselves as well. You can go to social events together and help push each other a bit further out of your comfort zone.
Besides, you’ll finally stop feeling guilty about turning down your friends and staying at home every once in a while. This schedule will help you grow social skills and explore extroverted habits in no time.
Meet new people online
Some people hate dating apps. But the reality is that as an introvert, you probably are better in writing than in conversation, and you also probably stay at home a lot. So having an active profile on a dating app (such as Pure) could be a shortcut to help get yourself out there to the dating world.
Pure is very easy to use – just download the app, sign up, and create your first post with the description of your ideal partner. You don’t have to share your personal information, no social media links or phone numbers are required.
The app offers a large and welcoming community of people looking for a hookup or a date. Everyone you see in the feed is online and nearby. You have only 24 hours to arrange a date with your match, but if you decide to chat longer, you can always turn off the chat timer. Pure has self-destructed chats and sends you notifications if your partner tries to take a screenshot of your conversation. And if you have anxiety before meeting your match in person, you can video chat before a meeting to check the chemistry.
Here are a few tips from Charisma Secrets to take back control of your social life and overcome your shyness and social anxiety:
Meet new people in environments you enjoy
When deciding on a place to take your date to, make sure you pick someplace that is comfortable and fits your personality. Don’t settle for stereotypical environments that you’re expected to choose if you think you might feel uncomfortable there.
Counselor and relationship expert, David Bennett, explained in his interview to the Bustle: “Introverts are going to feel more comfortable in lower-key settings where they can get to know their dates on a more one-on-one basis. They require less emotional and social energy and, this way, they won’t have the pressure of being around large groups or interacting with a lot of new people.”
You can start from setting a date in a familiar place, whether it’s a restaurant or an activity you enjoy. And if your date doesn’t like it, that might be a pretty good indicator that they’re not right for you.
A walk in the park, an opening of a small gallery, a cozy coffee shop – your options are limitless. Make sure that the environment works for you.
Speaking out loud, clear, and confident are a few of the essential skills for both introverts and extroverts. You want to be able to make people listen to you when you need them to. Study diaphragmatic breathing – it will definitely help to have control over the loudness of your voice. Make sure the few words that you say have an impact.
Here are a few useful tips on how to stop being shy and quiet from a YouTube channel Social Confidence Mastery:
Prepare a few topics for starting a conversation
If you’re worried about running out of things to talk about on your date and the thought of an awkward silence gives you chills, make sure to prepare a few conversation starters in advance. You can read some of the latest news or look at your date’s Facebook page to find out what they’re interested in. If you found your date on a dating app, you probably already have a few links to their socials. Your date will probably enjoy talking about their hobbies and traveling trips. But don’t dig too deep – it might seem creepy for the first date 🙂
Challenge your comfort zone
Every once in a while, it would help if you tried out extraverted environments and approaches. For example, you can try talking to strangers as a challenge. You don’t have to start by talking to a beautiful girl/boy. You can start out by chatting with a random stranger standing next to you in a line. Use parties or meals with friends as an opportunity to talk to people who’re in your circle, but you don’t know well. It’s essential to be able to expand your comfort zone.
If most of your dates flop, don’t be afraid to get some feedback
If you see that something is clearly going wrong and none of your dates are successful, be sure to get feedback from some of your close friends. They know you well enough to get where you’re coming from and what could be the issue. They’ll help you to reevaluate your own behavior on dates.
Try dating an introvert
Understanding your partner’s primary needs is one of the foundations of a strong relationship. So if you date someone who’s brain is wired similarly, you might feel a sense of relief. You’ll finally be able to share your time with someone who respects your need for space and plenty of time alone. The relationship will be much more comfortable and you’ll be able to feel safe and relax together without having to speak constantly. However, two introverts could potentially struggle together if they try to ignore communication too much.
You'll crave for more!
Here are a few more things you might expect to happen in an introvert-introvert relationship
Keep an open mind
This includes dating extraverts. Well, you should at least try. Yes, they operate differently, but dating your opposite can work out just as well. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to push each other to grow and become better versions of yourselves. As long as you respect your partner’s boundaries and learn how to compromise, there’s absolutely no reason for things not to work out. Misunderstandings are normal in any relationship. If you know how to communicate well, there will never be an issue for you two.